Dawson's Crusade
by Today.Is.Life
Summary: "I'm not giving up on you Dawson, you can put yourself in whatever danger and you can push me away, but I'm going nowhere. You're my best friend." When Dawson's world comes shattering down around her, she only has one thing left. Find who shot Antonio and make them pay. Starts as Mills/Dawson, eventual Dawsey. Rating M.
1. Chapter 1

Hey everyone!

This is a new story that I've been planning for a while now. I hope to update weekly, and I hope you enjoy it.

This story is set just after Casey's and Dawson's argument about Voight in Narzdarovya, after Antonio was shot. It's my take on the events that happened and it follows a different story than the show.

It follows Dawson as she desperately tries to find who shot Antonio while her mental stability and relationships with those at 51 break down. She becomes focused on one thing and one thing only.

It begins with Dawson in her relationship with Mills, but this is a Dawsey story.

I hope you'll all enjoy!

oxoxo

* * *

"They tried to kill Antonio, and for all I know, they may still wanna finish the job. Plus all those ..."

"Voight tried to take me out. He's a liar and a crook."

"I know...But sometimes you gotta, you know, dance with the devil."

"Really? Is that the way it works?"

"Casey, I didn't feel like I had any other choice...I'm sorry."

"Hey, just do what you need to do, okay? I hope it works out."

He walks out angrily, slamming the door behind him so forcefully that it shook on it's hinges. I kick the chair in frustration, why couldn't this all go away? I had to choose between finding who did this to Antonio and betraying Casey, someone who I cared for deeply and entrusted with my life. Too late to change anything now, I thought bitterly. Tears stung my eyes and my throat clenched, but I fought them back. I had no right to cry, no right at all.

* * *

A few moments later after I compose myself I leave the room in bid to find Shay. I wander into the break room and sit down beside Shay, sighing.

She places her hand on my arm, "What's going on Dawson?"

I exhale forcefully, willing myself not to cry, "I'm just trying to help Antonio and now Casey hates me, and honestly, I can't blame him Shay...Voight tried to kill him."

Shay pulls me into her arms, "It's gonna be okay Dawson...Antonio's strong and he's gonna make it through this." It didn't evade me that she didn't mention Casey.

Then I heard Chief's gruff voice from behind me, "Gabriela," he says after clearing his throat. His voice was undetectable of any emotions.

I stand up, "Chief I'm sorry-" I begin, but I'm cut off by his stoic glum face.

"Chief?" I stammer, an awful feeling of dread building within me.

He steps forward, placing his hands on my arms, "The hospital just called Gabriela..."

"No," I croak shaking my head while I could feel my legs beginning to give way, "Chief, no..."

"Antonio made it out of surgery but he's slipped into a coma..." he says quickly, but I found no solace in his words. Antonio was in a coma.

I feel my body limp and Chief guides me into a chair, but I can't sit for long before I feel my stomach flip and I rush towards the bathroom. I wretch into the toilet bowl, my throat burning and my stomach clenching. I was crying uncontrollably.

It was if my world had done a full 180 and my mind was left spinning with the reality that my brother was very ill, in a coma no less, and the bastards who'd done it were still roaming free. Then the thought of Laura and the kids and our parents entered my mind, and I threw up again. God they must be so scared, so afraid of losing him. He was my brother, my overprotective, hotheaded, brave and wonderful brother, and I wasn't sure I could live without him. We'd always been like chalk and cheese despite the age gap, which I believed only made us stronger. Antonio was a strong foundation of our family and to lose him would be hell. I pull out my phone and call Laura, a part of me hoping that she wouldn't pick up so I wouldn't have to hear the pain in her voice.

She answers, "Gabby, hunny, he's..."

"I know Laura, I know..." I soothe quietly, no matter what I was feeling I had to be strong for her and the kids, they were going to need my help to get through this, "But Antonio's strong, he's still with us. Just think of it as him recharging, it's going to be okay."

My logical, medical self knew this to be utter bullshit, but I knew my brother was a fighter and I knew that I couldn't let Laura give up on him.

Through the phone I hear her sniff and clear her throat, "He's so still Gabby, so still... Can you come to the hospital? I, we, need you."

I focus on the ceiling to try and stop the wail and tears from leaving my body, it works long enough for me to answer and hang up, "Of course, I'll be 20 minutes."

When the line goes dead I lean my head up against the wall and let my mind float away to a few months ago, when Andy was still here, when Shay was happy without Clarice, before Severide got hurt, before Casey and Hallie broke up. It was a time when all was right and we were all happy, safe, content. And for a moment, everything was okay.

Only for a moment.

* * *

"Chief...Laura and the kids need me..."

He places a hand on my shoulder, "Go, be with your family Gabriela."

I nod and murmur a silent thank you, before I rush out to my car. How did I manage to disappoint everyone I love in a matter of hours?

They had screamed, cried and begged as I held them in my arms. Eva, Diego and Laura were in pieces when I arrived, crying helplessly as they watched Antonio's pale and limp body lay in the crisp white hospital bed. He looked horribly frail as he was surrounded with wires, tubes and machines monitoring every heartbeat, every minor change in his vitals.

Eva and Diego were eventually taken home by mom and dad, who I could barely look at with their grief written all across their faces. I'd kissed and hugged them and told them he'd be okay, even though my body was filled with dread that he wouldn't be.

Laura sat in the chair beside Antonio's bed, holding his hand tightly while looking shattered. I sat on the bed, careful not to disturb anything, watching for any sign of improvement or deterioration.

"We had a stupid argument this morning before he left for work...I can't even remember what it was about," Laura murmurs, her voice oddly calm as she stared blankly out of the window.

"Don't," I almost hiss.

She looks at me with confusion in her eyes, "Don't talk like he's never waking up Laura. I don't think...I'm sorry but I can't handle that. And I know that's selfish-"

"But he's your brother Gabby," she answers, "It's not selfish. You don't need to be strong for us."

My throat clenched, "He would want me to be there for you all."

She nods and a lock of dark hair falls around her face, but she doesn't brush it away, "And you are, that's all that matters."

We fall into a deep silence until my phone rings. Pete. I excuse myself to the corridor where I answer with a quiet voice, "Pete..." I longed for him to be here, to hold me and comfort me.

"Gabby? I just heard. What were you thinking going to Voight?"

It felt like I'd been stabbed in the chest.

"...I don't know...I wanted to help my brother Pete," I snap harshly. I could understand Casey's anger about me going to Voight, but Pete? He wad supposed to be on my side in this, even though that sounded terribly childish.

I hear him sigh, "How is he?"

"He's out of surgery but he's in a coma. The doctors are unsure about everything else."

"Do you want me to come to the hospital after shift?"

Ironically I didn't want him here anymore, no matter how much I wanted his arms around me. I couldn't bare to see anymore disappointed eyes on my behalf and I was angry with him for being angry with me.

"No, no, it's okay. I'm with Laura. Bye Pete," I hang up before he has time to reply.

When I reenter the room Laura was sobbing softly, rubbing at her eyes roughly, "Who did this Gabriela? Who did this to him?"

I'd disappointed everyone at 51, but I wasn't about to disappoint Antonio in the same way. Nothing mattered more to me in that moment than to find who did this Antonio and I wouldn't stop until I found them. Everything Antonio did, lying to his superiors, withholding evidence, was for a damned good reason and if his superiors weren't bothered about catching them, I was.

I spotted Antonio's personal belongings in a bag on the floor beside his bed. Inside I found his phone, so I rang the only person I knew who could help me right now.

"Hello? Yes, Detective Whilite? This is Gabriela, Antonio's sister...I need your help..."


	2. Chapter 2

**_Casey_**

Of all the people she could have gone to, she went to Voight.

Voight.

The man who had me beaten, the man who threatened my then-fiancee and the man who wanted me dead. Dawson had gone to him and it felt like the ultimate betrayal. What made it worse was that she was there throughout it all, she saw everything Voight did and she even assured me that I was doing the right thing by not retracting my statement.

This all seemed meaningless now.

"Hey, just do what you need to do, okay? I hope it works out." I end angrily, my voice hoarse from yelling. I storm out of the room slamming the door behind me, unable to control my anger.

I end up in my office, tempted to punch the wall but I refrained from doing so.

How could she does this me?

It was Voight for crying out loud.

But hey, 'sometimes you've gotts dance with the devil.' _Yeah right,_ I think bitterly.

* * *

A few moments later I head to the bathroom, wanting to wash my red cheeks with cold water. Anger had caused my entire body to see red.

"...I know Laura, I know..." it was Dawson in the locked stall. I was tempted to roll my eyes in anger, could I not escape her? But the upset in her voice was hard to ignore.

"But Antonio's strong, he's still with us. Just think of it as him recharging, it's going to be okay." She must have been talking to Laura, Antonio's wife. Recharging? What did that mean?

It was a few moments before she spoke again and this time it sounded like she was desperately fighting back tears, "Of course, I'll be twenty minutes."

I left before she realised that I there and no matter how full of rage I was, it was hard not to feel sympathy for Dawson right now.

We'd just gotten back from a call when I entered the common room to find Shay talking on the phone, "What have the doctors said about him being in a coma?"

That's what she must have meant when she said 'recharging' to Laura. Antonio was in a coma. A part of me filled with guilt, but then I pictured Voight in my mind and couldn't help still feeling angry with Dawson.

Shay frowns and part of me was glad that Dawson wasn't seeing Shay's face right now, "Dawson you just have to stay strong okay? And don't do anything stupid."

This time when I felt the urge to roll my eyes, I didn't fight it.

"Okay, love you, bye."

Shay looks up and notices me watching her. She cocks her head towards the garage and gets up to head out in that direction, I followed.

Once we found a quiet spot, Shay rubs her forehead before she begins, "Look Casey, I know what Dawson did was stupid and hurtful, and you have every right to be angry with her. But Antonio's in a coma and she's scared that she's going to lose him, so she's feeling desperate right now. So don't take what she did as an act to spite or betray you, she cares for you Casey, she wouldn't have done this if she saw another way..."

She squeezes my arm before she turns back into the firehouse, leaving me with more questions than answers.

* * *

**_Shay_**

I didn't hear from or see Dawson until our next shift, but in all honestly, I was surprised that she turned up. Nevertheless when I first saw her in the locker room she looked drained, pale and fatigued. I hate to think what the past few days were like for her.

"Hey girl, how are you doing?" I say as I head towards her. She jumps and quickly turns around and my eyes become instantly fixated on a bruise on her jaw.

I jump towards her, "Dawson, what the hell?" I exclaim, my hands reaching up to touch her jaw.

She swats my hands away, "It's fine Shay, really," fatigue lingered in her voice too.

"That," I yell while pointing to her jaw, "is not fine! What the hell happened to you?"

For a moment I could tell she was contemplating lying to me but eventually she opened her mouth to answer, "I'm helping Antonio's partner with finding who shot him. I got this when I went to talk to some gangbanger Voight sent me too."

I was momentarily speechless until rage descended over my body, "What the hell Dawson? Are you crazy or something?"

"Calm down Shay, he's got me an informant who know about the people who shot Antonio. It'll be over soon."

She was weirdly calm but very determined about the whole thing, which only made me angrier, "You're not a cop Dawson! What would Antonio think of all this huh?"

A flash of hurt flickers in her eyes for a moment before her phone rings. She looks at the caller ID, then at me, and then she walks out of the locker room to answer her phone, "Yeah Jules? What do you have?" I hear before she's out of earshot.

Like hell was I letting Dawson get mixed up in gangbanger and cops business. Like hell.

* * *

I head straight to the Chief's office. He was alone so when I knocked he called me in straight away.

"Shay-" he begins, before I cut him off.

"Have you heard anything about Dawson working with the cops to find her brothers shooters?" I say hurriedly and I can tell by his face that this is the first he's hearing about it.

"Shay, slow down..." He instructs and he watches as I take a few deep breathes to calm my flustered self, "Now go on."

"When I got in I saw Dawson in the locker room. She has a bruise the size of Otis' stupid Star Wars helmet on her jaw. When I ask her how she got it, she tells me a gangbanger gave it to her when she was working with the cops, Antonio's partner...Chief, that isn't going to end well and we need to protect her before she does something stupid."

Chief stares at me for a long moment, taking in everything I told him. His eyes are concerned, worried, but his face was emotionless. "Come with me," he instructs, as he heads out the door.

I follow him as he heads for the common room and when he enters, he scans the room looking for her. He comes up empty, "Anyone seen Dawson?"

The guys look up, but Cruz is the first to reply, "She just headed outside for something."

Chief nods and we exit through the side door. I spot Dawson leaning up against a black car as a blonde haired woman stood in front of her.

Chief interrupts the conversation, "Dawson there's someone on the phone for you in my office..." He lies smoothly. Dawson watches him for a moment before she mumbles 'see you later' to the blonde woman and heads inside.

"Chief Boden," he introduces, holding his hand out to the woman. She shakes his and says, "Detective Whilite sir."

"Look Detective, Dawson's an EMT, not a cop. She's confused-" I begin before she cuts me off.

She looks understanding, "I know exactly who and what she is and that's why I'm helping her out. I've told her to stay away but instead she went to a gangbanger and got that bruise. So as much as I want her out of this, she's safer with me rather than going off on her own."

"You can't guarantee her safety," Chief states bluntly.

Whilite shakes her head, "I can't...I understand where your coming from and believe me, if I could keep her away from this I would. But she's determined to do this, so I can't let her go at this alone."

"Have you heard anymore about Antonio?" I ask quietly.

"No better no worse. Look if anyone can change her mind it's you guys...I have to go, but if you notice anything weird, call me." She hands Boden her card, gets into her car and drives off.

"Chief this is insane."

He looks down at me, his eyes filled with the worry of not being able to protect one of his own, "I know."

* * *

When Chief and I returned to the firehouse we hadn't the chance to talk to Dawson as the alarm sounded. We headed out and I was worried that Dawson may be distracted but she performs to the same high standard that she always does. So when I did talk to her, I couldn't fight the angle that she couldn't be distracted with cop work.

This annoyed me. I wanted to be able to tell her that this business with Whilite was interfering with her job as I knew that Dawson's ability to perform at the highest standard was crucial to her, but I could not. The moment I began talking to her, I knew my efforts to talk her out of this were futile.

"Shay," Dawson orders in a no-nonsense tone, "I don't want to argue with you over this."

I throw my hands up in frustration, "But you're going to do it anyway."

Dawson doesn't say anything and neither does she nod, but that stubborn and determined look in her eye gave me my answer. I storm out of the laundry room, shutting the door loudly behind me.

An hour later I was sat in the common room with a couple of the guys and Dawson was nowhere to be seen. When the guys looked at me their eyes portrayed a look of comfusion and I guessed that they hadn't heard what was happening.

"Hey Shay," Mouch calls to me from the sofa, his curiousity finally getting the better of him, "You wanna tell us what's going on? The atmosphere around her is especially chilly today."

By the way the rest of the guys ears prick up it was evident that Mouch had voiced the thoughts of them all, "Dawson's working with Antonio's partner to find who shot him," I say in the simplest terms I could put it in.

"Are you kidding me? Is that why she has that bruise? Why hasn't someone talked her out of this?"Herrmann gruffs.

I shake my head, "Be my guest Herrmann, but she won't listen to anyone and we can't stop her."

Herrmann frowns, "That damned girl..."

It didn't occur to me that Peter Mills was present for this conversation and when he stormed out of the room, presumably to find Dawson, I could only hope that she would listen to whatever he had to say.

However something told me that there was only one person that Dawson would listen too and that person wasn't Mills.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Dawson**_

I couldn't tink about anything other than TT and the informant he said he would send. I could only hope that this would work out.

I knew Shay was worried and it hurt to know that I was doing that to her, but this felt like the only thing I had left. I'd done what I'd done with Voight and Jules and TT, and now I couldn't help but feel that the only thing I had left was to carry it through. I was messing everything up, but in the thick of it I had one goal and one goal only.

I was sat in the ambo in the garage, too cowardly to face anyone inside. I was afraid I'd see Casey and I don't think I could bare seeing his clear hatred for me in his eyes. I didn't need anymore reminders of the friendship I'd destroyed between us.

The door to my side of the ambo swings open to reveal Pete staring at me with angry eyes, "What are you doing Gabby? Working with cops? Who knows what trouble you could get into!"

I resist the urge to roll my eyes in annoyance. I was aware of what I was doing, but I didn't need Pete chastising me like I was a child. This was my decision.

"Pete, I know what you guys are thinking-"

"No, no you don't! You don't understand-"

"And neither do you! So don't you stand there like you know what's happening!" I yell angrily. I annoyed me how easily he could judge what I was doing, without understanding what I was thinking and feeling. If the roles were reversed I knew Antonio wouldn't stop until he found whoever hurt me.

"You're right, I don't know what's happening. Maybe that has something to do with you not answering my calls," Pete answers coldly, his eyes fed-up and frustrated.

I bite my tongue, "Look, Gabby, I know you're going through a tough time but you don't need to be doing what you're doing. Gabby-"

"Pete, please don't..." I beg, I didn't want anymore people trying to talk me out of this. The further I kept my family from this, the better it would be for them.

Pete locks his jaw and I knew what was coming from the look in his eye,"I can't do this with you."

"Then don't," I tell him stoically, "Pete, it's better this way." He shakes his head and then walks away.

That was the first big hit to my life, but it would not be the last.

* * *

_"You Gabriela?" _

_"I am."_

_"T.T. told me to come here."_

_"I'm glad you did."_

_"And I can trust you?" _

_"You can."_

_"Cause I'm not playing around... All right, if I'm gonna help, I need assurances. I need to get out of town for my testimony. They'll kill me in a second if they knew I was here."_

_"Whatever you need, it'll be taken care of. You have my word. What do you know?" _

_"Everything."_

I watched as Jules put the girl in the back of her SVU. I didn't know her name and we agreed that it was best if I didn't. I waited until the door was closed behind her before I spoke.

"You gonna make sure she's safe? Jules we need her..."

She immediately puts her arms around me, "Gabby, hunny, she's going to fine. _You _on the other hand, I'm worried and so are your friends. You don't need to be doing this."

I sigh into her shoulder, "I need to do this Jules."

Jules nods and says no more until a man approaches us. He was a few years older than me with brown hair, green eyes and he had a light beard dusting his chin and cheeks, "Hey Halstead," she greets.

"Jules," he nods, "We gotta go. Safe house is ready for the girl."

"Okay, good...Halstead this is..."

"Gabriela Dawson. Antonio's sister. I've heard a lot about you from him..." He smiles warmly, extending his hand to me. We shake hands and it felt nice to have someone look at you as if you hadn't made a thousand mistakes in a matter of days.

"All good I hope."

They climb into the car and just as they are about to head off I ask Jules one more thing, "How are Laura and the kids? I hate to think..."

Laura, Eva and Diego had been put into protective custody, so they had been taken away from Antonio and I couldn't see them either. We were allowed to call each other, but only under strict guidelines and when they were allowed to by those guarding them.

"They're doing good Gabby, if this works out, they'll be home soon."

I nod and watch as they drive off, leaving my standing on the curb outside of the firehouse.

_'If' not 'when'._

* * *

_Two days later..._

"Truck 81, Ambulance 61, multiple gunshot wounds..."

And we were off racing towards the scene with he sirens blazing. When we arrived, I noted multiple cop cars, a blue banger and a black SVU. Jules' car.

Shay and I grabbed our equipment and headed to the cop who seemed to be in charge, "What do we have?"

He turns towards me, "Couple of thugs ambushed a detective's car. They're all DOA. Cops are good, girl they were with is critical."

Oh god.

We head over, "Jules! Jules!" I call when I find her on the floor pressing against the informants wounds. Three bullet holes. Halstead crouched beside her talking into his cell.

Her head snaps up at me, "Gabs, Nadia's in and out of consciousness and her pulse is weakening."

I take over from Jules, "Shay, start an IV...Nadia, stay with me now."

Shay started with the IV as I grabbed dressing and it pressed iy against her lower stomach. The other two bullets had hit her left thigh and shoulder.

Nadia was pale and chilly when I touched her and within seconds my hands were soaked with her blood, "It's bad..." she mumbles quietly.

I press harder into her stomach and she didn't flinch. She wasn't feeling it.

Shay looks at up me, "BP is weak Dawson."

I keep my eyes on Nadia, "Hey, hey, come on...Stay with me Nadia."

She stares up at me with big brown fatigued eyes, "You said I'd be safe..."

My eyes burn with tears and my throat felt as if it was on fire, "I know, I'm sorry..."

Her hand clutches at my wrist, "Nadia, come on...Fight with me now."

"I...promise you'll stop them...don't let anyone...else...die..."

"I promise, Nadia, I promise...please, come on..." I plead and then I felt her body limp. It was like I felt her soul lesve her body.

And then I'm doing CPR, my hands pounding forcefully onto her lifeless chest, "Come on...Come on...Don't...I promise...I promise...I'm sorry Nadia, I'm so sorry..."

I feel a hand on my shoulder, "Gabby, she's gone," Shay says quietly, softly and my own body limps.

I stare at her body, dead and bloody in the street. I promised she would be safe...I promised that.

When I look up, my eyes are drawn to Casey's. He was watching me, his eyes were sympathetic, pitiful, concerned, angry. I felt my stomach churn.

In the ambo on the way home Shay tried to get me to talk, but I couldn't. If I talked I would cry, and if I cried, it was selfish and wrong. I wasn't the one dying dead in the street. I was the one who caused it.

Me.

* * *

"You were meant to protect her! And now she's dead!"

Jules steps forward and tries to clutch my arms, I shake her off, "Gabby, they ambushed us and I don't know how they found her. She was clean."

"Well she wasn't and she trusted me and they killed her! Now we don't have anyone to testify!"

"Gabby, we can get them. We can still get them."

I shake my head and Jules leaves my house. I collapse into the chair and finally, where no one could see, I cried

It must have been an hour later when I finally moved after hearing the door knock. I wipe my eyes ans sniffle and head to the door. I was expecting to find Jules or Shay, instead I opened the door to reveal Casey.

I was stunned and embarrassed. I tug the cardigan around my body, "Casey, what?.."

"Believe me, I don't know either," he exhales sharply, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets.

This hurt me but I understood why he was angry, "Do you want to come in?" I ask quietly, scared that he would reject me.

He nods, so I open the door wider for him. Casey steps inside and closes the door, and then he follows me into the living room.

Casey sits on the sofa while I sit on the chair opposite. His hands twitch nervously on his knees.

"Casey, what are you doing here?"

Another sharp breath leaves his mouth and he begins, "Are you okay?"

I was shocked by his words but nevertheless I answered quietly, "Yeah...are you?"

I tuck my knees into my chest, afraid of his answer, "Not really."

That hurt even more.

"I know telling you sorry won't change a thing. But my intention was never to hurt you Casey. I wouldn't ever want to do that to you..."

He finally looks at me, blue against brown, and my heart began racing, "You've been crying."

I was hoping he didn't notice, "Yeah, it's nothing..."

Our eyes never left each others, "Dawson? I know what you said was true. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. Buut you did..."

He gets up and leaves quickly, "Casey..." I call behind him, but he was gone.

Just like everything else.


	4. Chapter 4

_"You said I'd be safe..."_

"I'm sorry, please, I'm sorry!"

_"I know you didn't mean to hurt me. But you did..."_

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, please..."

"Dawson! Dawson! Wake up! It's just a dream!" It was a voice I recognised, _Shay_. She was shaking my body, pleading with me to wake and I did. My eyes snapped open to be greeted with her blue ones, staring with a concerned and worried gaze.

I was breathing fast and shaking, "Hey, hey, it was just a dream..." Shay soothes, and it was then I realised I was at the firehouse.

I sit up, grateful that I hadn't disturbed any of the guys, _they could sleep through hurricanes, _"I'm okay, I'm okay."

Shay puts her hands on my shoulders, "Gabby," it was strange for even Shay to use my first name, "You were screaming."

I get out of my bed and head towards the bathroom, murmuring once again "I'm okay," to Shay.

I heard her sigh as I walked away.

* * *

_**Shay**_

I watch as she walks away still shaking from her nightmare. She'd woke me with her screams, her pleads. I didn't know for sure what her dreams were about, but it wasn't hard to guess. Dawson was really worrying me.

I get up and head towards the kitchen knowing that I couldn't go back to sleep. As I pass by the rest of the sleeping guys, surprised that Dawson hadn't woken them, I noticed Casey standing in the doorway of his office, leaning against the frame. He was staring off in the direction Dawson had gone.

"That was her?" He asks quietly, tentatively, and I nod, knowing he was talking about the noise. Casey didn't look at me.

"Yeah, it was..." I was unsure of what to say.

Casey exhales deeply and rubs the back of his neck with his hand, "She's not okay," he mumbles and I realised he had heard our conversation. _No shit, _I thought a little bitterly.

"No, she's not..."

There was a moment's pause, "She still working with Antonio's partner?"

I was about to answer when Dawson left the bathroom and headed straight for the exit door. She didn't notice us, she was too preoccupied with talking on the phone, "Jules? Yeah, can you come to the firehouse?"

It was all we heard before she went out the door.

I turn to him, "Guess so."

* * *

I was leaving the firehouse with Kelly when Whilite approached us outside. She motioned for me to talk to her.

"I'll catch you up in a minute?" I tell Kelly, who looks between Whilite and me before heading towards his car.

She waited until he was out of earshot before she began, "You have to talk to Dawson."

I roll my eyes, "Been there done that and worn the t-shirt. Whilite, you're a cop. You're the law. As much as I want the damn girl to listen to me I can't force her into anything. _You _however can."

Whilite's face was solemn when she spoke next, "She want's to go undercover and Halstead and Lindsay are gonna help her to do it."

"What?"

"She thinks she can catch the guys by setting up a fake drug deal. Halstead and Lindsay think it's our only shot at this point."

I throw my hands up in anger, "And you're allowing it? I thought you were _their _superior, not the other way round! Damn it Whilite, Dawson's gonna get herself _killed."_

"Halstead and Lindsay want to catch Antonio's killers."

"And you think I don't want that? Of course I do, I just want Dawson out of this! What the hell will her brother think, huh, Whilite?"

I storm off towards Kelly's car, not bothering to feel any sympathy for Whilite. Right now I was too angry, too upset and too worried for sympathy.

* * *

I slam the door off Kelly's car behind me, "Watch it Shay!" Kelly exclaims afraid for his car, before he sees the tears running down my face.

I buckle my seat belt, "Can you take me to Dawson's place? I need to talk to her."

He watches me for a moment before he starts the car and begins driving. He's silent for a while, but I know he'll want an explanation. I don't wait for him to ask.

"Dawson's setting herself up as bait to catch Antonio's shooters," I explain flatly. I didn't care for Dawson wanting to keep things quiet anymore, the more people who cared for her knew what she was up to, the better. The more to stop her.

"What? That's insane!"

I raise a brow, "Try telling that to Dawson."

"The cops are letting her do this?" Kelly asks with confusion.

I nod, "Apparently so."

After a moment he speaks again, "So...do you think you can talk her out of it?"

"No."

From the corner of my eye I see Kelly's brow burrow, "Then why are we going to her place?"

"So I can yell."

* * *

**_Severide_**

I'd heard Dawson and Shay yell at each other before, multiple times actually, but never like this. They were screeching furiously at each other.

And I was standing outside, well, sitting on the steps outside Dawson's apartment, and I could hear every word.

Hell, what Dawson was doing was crazy, stupid in fact, but it was understandable. Her brother was in the hospital, in a coma and he may not wake again. Her sister-in-law and her niece and nephew were in protective custody and she couldn't see them. It was clear her actions were that of a desperate woman.

And that wasn't to say I agreed with what she was doing, it was logical to disagree. But it when it's family, logic means nothing.

Heck, we all knew this from our jobs.

And I understood Shay's view. She was damned scared of losing her best friend and the possible was likely with her going undercover. It was risky and dangerous and I bet Shay realised this more than Dawson.

One had to be ignorant and blind to have not noticed the change in Dawson recently. Her work in the field was still perfect, professional and focused, but when she was in the house, she was different. There was no more joking with the guys, no more prank pulling with Shay, no more flirting with Mills. She was quiet, withdrawn and she stayed by herself, she distanced herself from everyone. She was always on the phone to the cops and when she wasn't she looked like she was planning or thinking. Dawson had us all concerned.

To everyone else she appeared solely focused on working with the cops and she seemed cold and turned-off to what she was doing, but the other day when I saw her alone in the ambo, I momentarily saw straight through her.

Dawson was terrified. And not scared as in 'scared of spiders scared', she was deeply afraid of loosing everything and everyone in her life. She was scared of her life crashing down before her and deep down, she knew exactly what she was doing to herself and those around her, but she had to help Antonio.

I looked into her eyes and saw what she feared most.

Dawson didn't want to disappoint Antonio too.

* * *

_"...Shay, I have to do this."_

_"No, no you don't! This is cop work! Not Gabriela Dawson work! Stop playing the hero. We don't care about all this Dawson, we just want you safe. Not dead."_

_"Antonio-"_

_"Antonio would want to wake up to see his sister alive and at his side! Not cuddling up with drug dealers and dead!"_

_"I can do this Shay. I have to do this."_

_"Fine! Then do it! Gabriela Dawson to the rescue!...Tell me what I should say to Antonio."_

_"...What?"_

_"When he wakes up. What should I tell Antonio when he finds out his sister is dead? What should I tell your parents? Laura? Eva? Diego? What should I tell the guys, Chief, huh? What should I tell Casey when he finds out you're dead?!"_

_"...That I'm sorry."_

_"Sorry? Sorry just won't cut it Dawson! They want you safe, alive, here with us. We want that, not sorry."_

_"I just..."_

_"What the hell do you have to prove Dawson?"_

_"That I can do something right."_

* * *

_Three weeks later..._

_**Casey**_

"Casey! Casey! Wait up!"

It was Shay again. All week she'd nagged me to speak to Dawson and I said no, but I guess she wasn't giving up. I guess she deserved credit for that, Shay was relentless.

I stop in the drive of the firehouse. We'd just finished shift, I was on my way home.

"What Shay?" I sigh, running my hand down my face. I just wanted to go home and drown my sorrows in beer.

She comes to a running halt in front of me, "Please, Casey, I really need you to talk to Dawson."

"Shay, I really don't think that's a good idea."

She throws her arms up in anger, "Damn it Casey, I've tried my hardest with her but I'm brickwalling. You've heard right? About her going undercover? Well this all happens _tonight. _I've got," she glances at her watch, "one hour to change her mind. Are you gonna help or no?"

_Dawson. Undercover. With gangbangers and drugs and guns and danger. She was hotheaded and stubborn, trouble wouldn't be hard for her to find. She could get killed._

A sickening ice-cold feeling washed over my body at the thought.

I motion for Shay to follow me to my truck and we climb in. Before we drive off I ask, "Will this work?"

She shrugs her shoulders, "All I know is that you're the only person she'll listen to."

We drive to Dawson's apartment in silence. When we get there it was dark. We approach the door and Shay knocks. There were no lights on and after a minute, no one came to the door. Shay took out her keys, selected one and pushed it into the lock. With a flick of her wrist, the door swung open.

We stepped inside and called for Dawson. The apartment was empty.

We were too late.


	5. Chapter 5

"How are you feeling?" Jules asked as I pulled on my heels.

"Ready," I answer just as Halstead came through the door looking ready to go.

Halstead was going undercover too. He had used one of his contacts to get us in with the gang and they had set up a meeting for tonight, at 8 o'clock. We were going undercover as two colleagues of a high-end drug dealer that had just moved into the area and was looking to sell drugs to the gang for a reasonable price, with the hope of forming a consistent business.

I was dressed up in heels, a fitted black dress and a white blazer. The idea was to look professional, but alluring. I felt uncomfortable being eye candy for gangbangers, but I didn't tell Jules this.

"Now remember, these guys are you're typical gangbangers but don't underestimate them. They're smart, so watch yourself out there," Jules instructs as she fiddles with my collar.

I could tell she was nervous.

"Jules, I got it."

Halstead led me to the car and we climbed inside. Jules and Erin approached the rolled down window, "If it feels wrong you get you're asses out of there, you here?"

Halstead grins, "You guys are acting like I've never been undercover before. Chill out."

"You might have, Gabby hasn't," Erin replies as she cocks her head towards me, "Look Jules, I can take Gabby's place..."

Halstead answers instead of Jules, "We can't risk one of these guys recognising you since you've dealt with this gang before."

Erin taps my hand through the window, "Okay," she sighs, "Be smart. Call at 12 on the dot or I'm hunting down your asses."

We nod slowly and Halstead starts the SUV and drives off.

No turning back now.

* * *

**_Jules_**

All we could do now was wait. Erin and I sat in the office twisting on our chairs, fiddling with pens and drinking endless amounts of coffee. They were out there alone, completely unprotected and unguarded. As much as I wanted to get the sons of bitches who shot Antonio, I know he'd hate what I was doing right now. I knew Halstead could handle himself, he was always calm and smooth, but Gabriela? She was Halstead's polar opposite. She was hotheaded and stubborn, and I was worried that allowing her to work on this op could be a mistake.

It only takes a second for an op to go from good to bad and if Gabriela was caught in any kind of confrontation, I was afraid that she may not make it out unscathed.

My phone buzzed with a text from Halstead - _'All set. Look's good. Dawson's okay. We'll nail these SOBs.'_

It made me feel a little more optimistic. I knew no matter how much Halstead wanted to 'cuff those bastards, he wouldn't let his personal views cloud his judgement and he wouldn't let himself act irrationally. I knew I could count on him to watch out for Gabriela.

"That was Halstead," I tell Erin who was organising files on her desk, "He says it looks good."

She bites her lip before she answers, "Only time will tell Jules."

It was a while later when Platt called, _"I've got a Leslie Shay and a Matthew Casey asking for you, Whilite. Shall I send them up or send Mary-Kate and Ashley away?"_

I roll my eyes, "Send them up Platt. Thanks."

A minute later I set eyes on Leslie and the man who I presumed to be Matthew as they approached me. Leslie looked worried and flustered, while the man looked devastated. I'd only heard of this Casey from his involvement with Voight and Gabriela had told me a little about him, but she usually avoided speaking about him. All I had gathered from her was that Casey was angry with her for going to Voight and that things were complicated between them because of it.

Leslie scanned the room before her shoulders slumped, "She's not here, is she?"

I shake my head, "She's out with Halstead."

"Undercover, yes?" She asks bitterly as her face screws up with distaste. I can only nod in reply.

"Antonio is lying in a hospital bed in a coma, Whilite. What would he think of this? Of his partner helping his sister to try and prove something she doesn't need to prove? For God's sake..."

I clench my jaw, "At this point being on her side is safer _for her _than it is being against her. She's going to catch these guys with or without my help."

Leslie throws her arms up in anger, "You've got to be stupid to still think that this is about catching Antonio's shooters. Dawson knows that you guys are more than capable of catching them. She's doing all this," she yells as she points at the room, "to prove that she's not a disappointment to any of us. That's what this is all about!"

Casey's eyes deepened with sadness and angst, as if Leslie's words had revealed to him something he hadn't previously realised.

Leslie's voice then softens, "She's hurting Whilite...She's scared and desperate and all she wants to do is prove to all of us that she can do something right. We have to make her see that the right thing to do is to leave this all to you, or Dawson's going to lose herself and I don't know w_ho _she's going to be on the other side of this."

* * *

**_Dawson_**

Halstead and I headed into the warehouse where our meeting was arranged. As we walked in, I could feel multiple pairs of eyes on me as I moved. From my count, I could see eight men littered within the wide space. All of which were carrying I noted.

I'd seen 'Dragon,' as he was known, from photos Jules showed me but he was different in person. He was Halstead's height with dark skin and dark hair. He was well built and he showed off his muscles by wearing a tight, sleeveless white shirt. It was clear to me how he was the head of the gang. He was clearly charismatic and charming, but intelligent and cunning. I could see in his eyes how smart he was, but nevertheless, he acted like a schoolboy around me, just like the others were.

"Whoa," he whistled as we approached and my stomach flipped, "Look at you..." he drawled slowly, "What is the name of this divine creature?"

"Gabriela," I answered simply, flashing him a smirk.

He nodded towards me, "Gabriela...Latina, I like that...And you my man?"

Halstead held out his hand and Dragon took it. It was weird, seeing a cop and a gangbanger shake hands, "Jay Allen."

Dragon returns to leaning up against a low-riding blue Mustang, flanked by two large men who held their hands across their stomach's. I could see the outline of a gun underneath their jackets.

"So you want to do business with me. Why?" Dragon begins immediately with the hard questions and I answer first.

"Word on the streets is you sell the best product around. We want to benefit from your business, which of course, would be _very _beneficial to you."

I felt uncomfortable with their eyes on me, but I put on front that could be perceived as that I didn't know I gained attention, or that I didn't care.

"Touche Gabriela, touche...And you're employer can sell me better than what I sell now?"

Jay answers with his hands in his jacket pocket, "He's been selling in 10 cities for more than 10 years and he works with the best. So there's no doubt how good his product is."

"You already have good business set up here, we want to make it better and much more efficient. I'm sure you can understand our interest in you," I smirk alluringly, scanning Dragon's body from head to toe. He catches my eyes and there was no doubt that I saw lust there.

Dragon snaps his fingers, "Well damn, I just can't refuse such an offer to work with you, my beautiful Gabriela..."

Halstead cocks his head towards to the table awaiting us, "So shall we make a deal?"

Dragon returns the favour and scans my body once more, whistling, "Sounds good to me brother."

When I walk past him to the table I brush my shoulder against his own. When I'm sure no one can see my face I allow my disgust to seep through, before quickly hiding it once more.

I felt sick.

* * *

"...Yeah, Whilite, it went good. We're in. He agreed to deal and we talked, but we left plenty of room for more meetings. Yeah, she did good...Jules I know that's not what you're asking...Honestly I can't tell, she seems okay. She handled herself well. Yeah, well you can see for yourself in 20. Okay, bye."

When Halstead climbed back into the SUV I pretended that I hadn't heard a thing he'd said to Jules while he was filling up the SUV. Truth was, I wasn't okay and I was still feeling sick. I was disgusted with myself. My skin crawled at the thought of Dragon's eyes on my body like that.

"You okay Dawson?" Halstead asks as he pulls out of the gas station. I tugged my blazer tighter around my body.

I exhale deeply, "Yeah I'm good," I turned to him, "We did good."

He nods and returns his eyes to the road, "We did. But are you okay? I know it wasn't easy flirting with him like that."

"It wasn't," I murmur, feeling comfortable to talk to him after hearing no judgement of me in his voice. It was comforting to know someone who wasn't judging me in this.

Minutes passed before he said anything else, "Dawson? As much as I think your brother would be angry with you, I know some part of him would also be proud of you too..."

I nod a few times before turning back to look out of the window, hiding the tears that were falling down my face.

* * *

Halstead got us through the gates of the Intelligence Unit with his badge and we headed up the stairs. I knew we had to talk to Jules, but I just wanted to sleep. I was so tired and my body ached all over.

We headed into the Unit and I was surprised to see Casey and Shay sitting with Erin and Jules. I bit my tongue.

Shay jumps up from her seat and rushes over before taking me into her arms. I hadn't a moment to react before she pulls away from me with a murderous look on her face.

"So you did it yeah? How do you feel Dawson? Any better?" She hisses bitterly.

Halstead had moved away to talk to Erin and Lindsay about the op, but Casey was watching us intently. He looked awful and my heart thudded with guilt.

"No," I answer, my voice quiet.

"Then why?..." she throws her arms up, "I can't argue with you anymore. C'mere," she sighs before pulling me into her arms once more. In her arms I started to cry once more and I couldn't stop the inevitable shaking of my body.

"I'm sorry..."

Shay sighs, "I know Gabs, come on, let me take you home."

* * *

**_Shay_**

Casey wouldn't leave and neither would I. We'd taken Dawson home in his truck and settled her at home, but she'd fallen asleep with her head in my lap and we didn't want to leave her.

Casey sat in the armchair with a look of heartbreak on his face, "She's in this now. No going back."

I sigh and run my hands through Dawson's hair. I don't have the words to answer so I don't.

"I was here the other day and she told me that she was sorry and she didn't mean to hurt me. I left after telling her that she did..." Casey mumbles sadly, rubbing his hand against his face. He clenches his jaw once he's finished speaking.

I look at him, "She was telling the truth Casey. The last thing Dawson would want is to hurt you...You mean a lot to her."

"Then why would she do this to herself?"

My face scrunches up in confusion, "What?"

"I don't want her to go anywhere, Shay. I can't lose her."


	6. Chapter 6

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* * *

**_Dawson_**

"...Because everything went well last night Halstead set up another meeting for Friday. You'll negotiate profits- Gabby, you with me?"

I had hardly been listening to a word Jules was saying, but when she called my name she caught my attention and my head snaps up, "Yeah, what were you saying?"

Jules sighs before sitting down beside me, "What's going on with you Gabby? You seem off."

"More than I have been?" I mutter in frustration, "...Antonio's not getting any better."

She puts her arm around me, "Gabby, no matter what you do you can't bring him out of a coma. He has to do that."

"Laura's and the kids, they've been away for so long and they can't see Antonio..."

"Gabby, what's this really about?"

My throat clams up, "Casey, I've lost him Jules. He hates me and I can't blame him in the slightest. I betrayed his trust and his friendship."

Jules doesn't reply, she just wraps her arms around me and lets me sob into her shoulder, "...I've ruined everything."

A while later Jules pulls my body away from her shoulder and wipes my tear-stained face with her hands. I try to stop the sobs from escaping my lips, "Hey, Gabby, you don't have to do this anymore. We can get him without you."

I shake my head and rub my hands against my face, "No, I started this and I have to finish it."

"Gabby, you don't see what you're doing to yourself...Look at you, you're not eating properly and you're not sleeping..."

I push myself off the bench in the locker room and go to leave, "I've got to get back to work, Shay needs me for inventory...Call me with the details for Friday."

* * *

**_Casey_**

I listen as Dawson leaves the locker room before stepping out so Whilite could see me. When she spots me, she slaps her hands on her knees before she rises to her feet, "You heard all that yeah?"

I nod and stuff my hands into my jacket pockets but I don't have the words to answer.

"Then you know how she feels for you and you know what she's doing to herself. Look Casey, I'm the first person to agree that what she did was stupid and I understand that you're angry with her, but look at her Casey. She's only going to listen to you and I think that you're the only person who can save her from herself."

Whilite leaves swiftly, leaving me with an awful feeling of dread that it was up to me to save Dawson. She wasn't eating or sleeping? I had noticed she was looking tired and frail, but I put it down to the stress of what she was doing.

I had to do something.

* * *

Later on into our shift most of the guys were sitting in the breakroom waiting for Mills to finish up with dinner. Shay and Dawson were sat at the round table behind the couch and they weren't talking but it didn't seem as if they'd been arguing. Shay was nibbling on an apple and Dawson was sipping coffee, and she looked like she could do with a good night's sleep.

"Hey Mouch, what time does the game start?" Herrmann asks from beside me at the top of the main table. Mouch turns his head slightly and his glasses slip down his nose, "8:30 I think."

"Best be a good one," Herrmann replies, "Last game was awful."

Cruz swats Herrmann's head, "Hey, no dissing the Blackhawks."

Severide calls over to Mills, "Hey Mills, grub ready yet?"

Mills holds up his spatula as he replies, "Almost, give me 15..."

Herrmann glances up to Mills over his newspaper, "I'm wearing away here Mills." Mills smirks and returns to his work.

We continued talking about the game for another ten minutes before Dawson's cell rang. Shay looks sad as she goes to answer it.

Dawson gets up from the table and walks slowly towards the garage doors, I noticed her skin looked pale, "Hey Jules...yeah...I can talk..." she murmurs slowly, her voice shaky.

She makes it to the corridor before she holds her hand out against the wall to hold herself up, "Jules..." Dawson stutters, before her legs give out beneath her and she collapses to the floor.

I'm out of my seat before her body limps to the floor, "Dawson!"

I race to her side and roll her on her back, her eyes are closed and she's out of it. Shay's suddenly beside her, "Someone get the green bag from the ambo!"

I vaguely register someone running outside.

Shay takes Dawson's cheeks in her hands and taps her skin, "Gabs, hey Gabs, can you hear me?"

There's no response, "Shay, what's wrong with her?!"

Shay takes her arm and presses her fingers against her wrist and frowns, "Her pulse is racing. I think she's fainted."

Severide returns and hands the green bag to Shay. She quickly opens it and pulls out a small machine. She pricks Dawson's finger, "To test her blood sugar levels," she assures, when she notices my grim face.

I hear the Chief behind me telling the guys to give Shay a little space. He doesn't say anything to me.

I watched Dawson's face and she didn't wake. She looked clammy and pale though, and I felt sick to my stomach.

Shay shakes her head when the machine beeps, "It's low and she's dehydrated. Damn it Gabs."

Shay's working efficiently with an IV when Dawson's eyes begin to flutter and a slight groan of complaint leaves her lips when Shay inserts the needle.

"What happened?" Dawson murmurs when she realises she's on the floor surrounded by worried faces.

"You fainted," Shay answers before she looks up to the Chief, "I want to take her to Lakeshore. Get her checked out."

Chief nods, "Just make sure she's okay."

"No," Dawson moans, "No hospitals."

"I don't give a damn," I mutter as I pick her up in my arms. Shay slings the bag around her shoulder and she holds the IV as I carry Dawson to the ambo. I rest her down on the gurney before I rush out and climb in the front.

"Herrmann, you're in charge until I get back," I instruct through the window before I set the ambo in drive and rush off.

* * *

Shay and I sit waiting on hard uncomfortable chairs. My hands take turns in gripping the arms of the chair or running through my hair. I was extremely nervous and worried as we waited for news on Dawson, Shay however, looked oddly calm.

She places a hand over my own when she notices that my knuckles are white against my skin, "Why are you so calm?"

"She's gonna be fine Casey. They'll continue with the IV and make her eat something before advising bed rest. I'm not so worried about the physical side of things as I am the mental side."

I clench my jaw, "I don't know how to make her see sense Shay."

"You'll find a way Casey."

After the doctor came and told us exactly what Shay expected, Shay went a drove the ambo back to 51 and then she was coming back in my truck so we could take Dawson home. So I was left with Dawson alone and I was no doubt nervous about it.

The nurses directed me to her bed. She was on a ward with a few other patients but she had her curtain pulled around the bed. I pushed back the flimsy material and found Dawson laying on the white bed in her uniform. She was looking better than before and not as pale. She still looked exhausted, but she wasn't shaking like before and she didn't look as weak.

"Casey," she mumbles when she sees me. I looked into her eyes and saw nerves and shame.

I shuffle towards the bed and lift myself on it, careful not to sit on her legs.

"How are you feeling?" I ask quietly.

Her face softens, "Better, thank you."

"You had me worried there for a minute."

Dawson looks to the ceiling and tries to stop her eyes from watering, "I'm sorry," she replies and it I knew she wasn't just apologising for today.

"This," I waved my hand over her body, "has to stop Dawson. It's not healthy."

"I didn't even realise I was doing it."

I take her hand in my own, relishing in the feel of her skin against my own, "That worries me even more."

"This will all be over soon and-"

I recoil in distaste, "No, this has to stop _now _Dawson. You can't be doing this any more."

But that determined stubborn look is in her eye and I know I've lost before I even begin, "Casey, I've done too much to just stop now and if I do, everything I've ruined will just be for nothing. I promised Laura that I would find who shot Antonio and I'm not the type to break promises."

"She wants them found but not at the sacrifice of you Dawson!"

"Casey please," Dawson cries, tears flowing down her cheeks, "I don't want to do this with you please..."

I sigh and pause for a moment before I pull her into my arms, allowing her to shake and cry against my body.

"I forgive you Dawson, I forgive you."


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello everyone. As ever I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed my story, and also everyone who has read it too. I'm very grateful to you all.**

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* * *

The doctor released Dawson an hour later so Shay and I took her home, made her comfortable and made sure she drank something. Shay then put her to bed and told her to rest, and then we headed back to 51, where the guys were waiting for an update on Dawson.

In my truck, Shay turned to me with sad eyes, "She said that you had forgiven her, have you?"

I purse my lips, "I wouldn't have said it if I didn't, but I'm worried that she's not going to stop. I don't think she will."

"That's what I'm afraid of..." Shay murmurs, wiping at her tear-stained cheeks.

I ached with the realisation that Dawson wasn't going to stop until she busted Antonio's shooters and then my stomach lurched with knowing that she could very well end up dead if she carried on.

"Hey Casey," Cruz called out in the locker room after shift, "How's Dawson doing?"

I sighed quietly to myself, what was I meant to say? Lie? They love Dawson and they're worried about her, and they're her family too, "Doc told her to rest for a while, and eat and drink properly, but she's..." I was lost for words.

"Not really doing as good as we want her to," Herrmann finishes, "She's not going to stop, is she?"

I nod slowly because it was the only thing I was certain of.

* * *

When I arrived at Dawson's apartment after I left work, I found her wrapped in a blanket on the couch sipping at a mug of tea and reading a book.

"How are you feeling?" I ask as I sit on the end of the couch. She moves her legs so I can sit.

"I'm okay, how was shift?"

"Same old...the guys are worried about you Dawson," I reply, watching as she fidgets nervously under my gaze.

"They shouldn't be," she murmurs as she avoids eye contact with me.

"Why not?! You collapsed in front of them!"

"Casey please, lets not do this..." Dawson pleads, finally meeting my eyes.

"No, they're scared for you, I'm scared...I can't, we can't lose you," I stammer over my words whilst never breaking our gaze. If my words didn't convey the seriousness of this, I hoped that the emotions in my eyes would.

Tears fall from her eyes, like a never-ending rain in April, "Please don't..." she pleads, her voice becoming hoarse.

"Dawson why? Why put yourself in danger like this? What's driving you?"

Then we're silence for a while because I'm waiting for an answer and she's constructing it. After a few anxious moments pass by Dawson answers quietly, "I can fix everything if I do this and it'll be okay..."

I grimace, the rage coursing through my body with white-hot flames of anger, and I throw my arms up as I stand to leave. I hear her calling for me but I cut her off when I turn and yell, "If you think that then you're as stupid as this damn situation! All this business could get you killed, don't you get that? No because you're Dawson and you're stubborn and single-minded and you know fucking everything. Well here's something for you, _this _is not okay! _This _will never be okay!"

I slam the door loudly behind me as I leave. When I'm locked in my truck and jerking down the road, my body is shaking with rage and fear and my eyes are leaking tears that run off my chin. I pull over when I can no longer see and I punch the steering wheel with blind rage.

_Didn't she care about losing us? About losing me?_

* * *

**_Dawson_**

With the help of my medication I eventually fall asleep on the couch, wrapped in the same blanket I was wrapped in when Casey was here.

_Casey._

He was so angry, so angry at me and I know, I get it, but I can't... I can't _not _do this for Laura, for the kids, for Antonio... If I could just get the guys who did this, then maybe, maybe he'd find the strength to wake up... _Maybe._

At this thought, I even scoffed at myself.

So after Casey left, leaving his ever-so-right words ringing in my head, I knew that he'd hit the nail on its head. _He was so very right. _And I knew it. _'This will never be okay...' _But I'd come too far and too close to stop now, we were closer to the end than the beginning.

At least I hoped we were.

I cry and I cry, and right when I stop myself I cry again. _No. _I won't pity myself and neither will I feel sorry for myself, _I did this, _and I'll face the consequences. I'd screwed up so many times before but I'd always face the consequences of my actions, and I won't shy away from them this time.

I fall asleep with Casey's betrayed, scared and angry face painted on my eyelids, with his eyes staring at me, showing just how much I'd hurt him.

I'd shout_ 'I'm sorry' _to him, but he'd shake his head and turn away, and I'd never see him again.

* * *

I sit beside Antonio's bed, watching his comatose state. _No, he's just resting, just recharging, he'll be okay, _I tell myself, hoping to find reassurance in my words. I wasn't sure if I did.

I lean closer to Antonio, "I just need a sign Antonio, anything, just so I know that you're going to be okay... I'm scared, I don't want you to go anywhere. I don't think I can go on without you. And I know how selfish that sounds but it's true Antonio, you're my big brother and I need you... Laura's scared and so are the kids, they just want you to open you're eyes and tell them that everything's okay. And I promise you Antonio that'll I get the people who did this, so Laura and Eva and Diego can be safe and can come home. I promise I will... Just promise me something too, promise that you'll come back..."

And of course, I got no answer.

Since I'd been sitting with Antonio my phone had buzzed three times with a text from Shay and two calls from Jules. She'd heard about me fainting and my trip to the hospital and she was furious. I'd spoken to her yesterday when I was in hospital and ever since then I'd been avoiding her calls. When she needed me for work purposes, she'd text to make sure I'd seen it.

Shay texted; _How are you? Are you home?_

I'd replied; _I'm doing okay thanks. No, I'm with Antonio. _

A minute later my phone buzzed again; _Any news?_

_Nothing,_ I had answered and I'd figured that since she never replied, Shay didn't know what to say.

* * *

On Friday I'd still hadn't heard anything from Jules so I headed to work, knowing that when they needed me for the meeting, I receive a dozen voicemails and texts. Only I didn't get into work.

I climb out of my car, slinging my backpack over my shoulder as I locked the car. Something caught my eye in my peripheral vision and I when I turned my head, my stomach dropped.

Casey was leaning up against his truck with a small smile on his face and in front of him, stood Hallie. Looking staggeringly amazing.

I felt my throat clench and I turned away.

_So he was back with Hallie. I guess I didn't see that one coming. What was it to me anyway? Nothing. He needs to be happy after what I've done. _

Still, I wondered why my entire body began to ache and why I felt like I'd just been punched in the heart.

I tried tucking my keys away into my backpack when a voice stopped me in my tracks. Chief.

"Gabriela," he said as I turned to fully face him. He had his hands perched on his hips in his usual stance, but he didn't appear threatening, he appeared concerned.

"Chief," I greeted quietly and I suddenly felt Casey's eyes on me. When I looked, both he and Hallie were staring at me.

Chief started in the only way he knew how, straight to the point, "I've brought in Macaulay to take over your shift so you could take a few personal days."

"Chief I'm fine-" I began to argue, but he held his hands out in a way for me to stop.

"Gabriela, go home. Rest. Take it easy and get your head in the right place."

I don't know why, but I found myself crying, "Chief, I need to be here..."

"I know it's hard, but it's for the best," Chief says solemnly, his brown eyes sad but determined.

I nod reluctantly and wipe my eyes. I glance at Casey and Hallie, and then up at the garage where Shay, Kelly and the guys were watching. Then my phone rings.

"Hello, Jules?"

_"Gabs, how quick can you come in? Jay got you guys a meeting for six. This is our shot."_

I stutter for a moment, but I look to Casey and the look on his face makes me reply with, "I'll be there in 10."

I get back into my car and drive off as fast as I can, realising that as I drove further and further away, I'd lost them.

I'd lost everything.


	8. Chapter 8

**_Shay_**

"Chief, what did she say?" I ask when he's close enough to the garage that he can hear me.

He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, "She wanted to be here," he answers simply.

My body was slowly filling with dread, "Who was she on the phone to?"

We both knew I already knew the answer, but he nevertheless answered with "Whilite. She's going to the station."

"Shit," I hiss, yanking my phone from my pocket and dialling her number quickly.

"Shay, what is it?" Kelly asks with concern.

"It's Friday," I answered before I realised this only meant something to me and I cursed when I got her voicemail, and dialled again, "She's going back undercover, she says it'll be over today... Goddammit Dawson." I hiss when I get her voicemail again.

I leave a message, "Dawson please, pick up. Don't do this okay? I don't care, I don't care about anything, I just want you to be safe. Gabs please, we love you..."

When I turn around, my eyes are drawn to Casey's face, heartbroken, scared and frightened and no matter what I'd heard about him and Hallie, I saw right through him... He loves Dawson.

* * *

_**Casey**_

What was happening?

After leaving Dawson's on Wednesday night, blind with rage, I headed home to sulk and wallow alone. Inside I tried to ease the anger with whiskey, hoping that the beverage would distract me from my emotions. I was wrong.

I was neither drunk or sober when my door knocked around 10, and for a while I didn't answer it because I thought it was Dawson. After the fourth knock I caved and answered it, finding the wrong brunette at my door. Hallie.

"Hallie? Whoa... You look amazing," I said because it was true, she really did. Her brown hair was smooth and sleek as it rested on her chest, her eyes glistened as she smiled at me and she looked...glowing.

Hallie smiled that beautiful smile at me, "Hey Matt, can I come in?"

So I let her in.

After small-talking for a while we finally got down to the nitty-gritty, "Why are you here Hallie?"

"Honestly? I miss you Matt... I've had a lot of time to think and think about what I want and I want you Matt," she had said with a truth in her voice.

Somehow we ended up in my bed and the next morning she was wrapped in my arms, and from there, we'd just been improvising. Following our gut.

We don't know where we're going and I don't think that I mind. It was nice to just be with Hallie, rather than having life-changing questions on our minds as we try and find an answer to them, trying to satisfy both our needs.

When we hit a bump in the road, we'll deal with it when and if we get one.

On Friday Hallie dropped me off at work after spending the past few days at my house. I spotted Dawson as she climbed out of her car only to be stopped by the Chief. I wasn't sure what he was saying, but I could what was happening by the look on her face. Also, Shay and the guys watching from the garage was a big indicator too.

So after Chief told her to take a few personal days, I watched as she drove off after taking a call. No prizes on guessing who from.

I said bye to Hallie and headed into 51 hoping to catch Shay alone so I could ask her what was going on. Luckily I found her in the locker-room with no one in sight, so I asked, "Have you talked to Dawson?"

"No," she snaps, "She's going back undercover today. Apparently, in her perfect world it'll all be over today. And do you know what Casey? I don't give a damn. She can go get herself killed because I don't care anymore."

Shay was angry and scared that she was going to lose her best-friend, and she'd gotten fed up of being so worried all the time that she'd resorted to 'not caring.' Of course she cared, but by taking this approach she was trying to protect herself from any grief that may be coming her way. My stomach dropped.

"Shay, you don't mean that..."

"Yes I do!" Shay yells with a voice that was laced with fear, "If she doesn't care then neither will I!"

"Dawson does care Shay, it's why she's doing this."

"Don't you dare Casey! Don't you side with her because you feel guilty about not being able to stop her! She's hurting us, she's hurting _all _of us and I can't watch her just risk everything for her to play hero! I want my best friend alive and well and with me on 61, not dead!"

I couldn't argue with her, I couldn't, because at the end of the day, Shay was right.

* * *

I didn't expect to be here. Actually, it was the last place I thought I'd end up in today, but under the circumstances.

"What the hell is my sister doing?" Antonio growls quietly, a roughness to his voice from not talking for a month.

Chief came into the breakroom around 6pm to announce that Antonio had come out of his coma. I was relieved, but I knew this wouldn't change a thing with Dawson, so the relief was sort lived. Antonio was asking to see Shay and I, and Chief informed us that he knew everything. Absolutely everything, from Detective Lindsay.

So here we were in Antonio's hospital room. He looked better than I expected for a man who'd just come out of a coma, but he wasn't worrying about himself right now, it was Dawson he was worrying about.

"You know everything right?" Shay asks with her hands tucked into her jacket pockets, Antonio nods, "Then there's nothing else to tell you, other than everyone tried to talk her out of it, but as usual Dawson new best... And here we are."

Antonio rubs his mouth with his hands and I could see them shaking, "I don't doubt you didn't try, it's just..."

"She's your sister and you want to protect her, it's understandable," I say, rubbing the back of my neck.

Then Antonio looks me straight in the eyes, "Well if she didn't listen to you, she wasn't going to listen to anybody."

We were silent for a few moments, "Do you remember just before you were shot?" Shay asks tentatively.

Antonio shakes his head, "I remember leaving the hospital, but that's it."

Shay nods and continues, "You were talking with Dawson, she was coming to the hospital to check on a patient, and as she walked away she heard the gunshots and found you lying on the ground. She got an ambo to stop and help, and well, when I found her, she was covered in your blood... And when Chief told her that you'd slipped into a coma, she really thought she'd lost you. Then she got it into her head that she'd disappointed everyone by going to Voight, and so as to not fail you, she decided to try and find your shooters... I hate what she's done Antonio, but she really thought she'd lost you."

Antonio's silent for a long while before he speaks again, "I think she feels like she's lost you guys too."

That hurt.

Erin then steps into the room, "Jules said that they're in and that's all she knows. We just have to wait."

And maybe this would all be over tonight and maybe Dawson would get away from this mess, but what kind of woman would be left behind?

* * *

Back at 51, tensions and emotions were high, and everyone was on edge about Dawson and scared to death for her.

Chief called a meeting in the conference room. I stood beside the door, ready to make a quick exit if I couldn't handle hearing all this anymore. My head throbbed, and with every throb more worry for Dawson reaped through my body.

Chief looked like he didn't know where to start, "I know that we've all had a pretty rough time lately and that you're all worried about Dawson. We've all noticed the change in her and we all know what she's doing. But when she gets back from all that, Dawson's going to need us all to be on her side. I know some of you are angry with her," Chief's eyes flickered to me and I looked away, "and I know she regrets doing this to us, but 51 is her home, and we're all going to be there for her every step of the way."

Herrmann was the first to speak, "I can't argue with anything you've said Chief and none of us will be giving up on her, but it's just been hard watching the girl change, ya know?"

Chief nods, "I know..." he answers simply.

"We won't be giving up on her Chief," Cruz says confidently with a determined nod.

"I know all this, _we _know all this, but we need to make sure that Dawson knows this too..."

"She will," Shay mutters with her arms folded, "Just after I give her a good ass-whooping..."

The guys chuckle and I can't handle it anymore, so I leave and hide myself away in my office.

_She's so stupid. So damn stupid. This is dangerous, too dangerous for her and yet she's there and I'm here and there's nothing I can do about it. There's every chance that I could lose her, but she did this. She chose to go gallivanting with cops and gangbangers and risk her life, and I can't deal with her blatant disrespect for her safety. I just want her to be okay. I wish things were different. I wish she was here, with me, safe, where I knew no one would hurt her. If they found out that Halstead is a cop and she's helping them, and Antonio's sister, there's no telling what will happen. They'll be killed. And I'll be left with nothing. _

My phone rings, Hallie, "Hey you," I say into the speaker, forcing cheer into my voice.

She didn't seem to notice and I was glad she didn't pick up on my upset, _"Hey baby, how's shift?"_

_Dawson's in danger, _I want to say, but I choose not to. She knew what was happening, but I tried not to dwell on it with her, she didn't really understand, "Good, typical," I answer like I always used to.

This makes her laugh, _"You don't say... How about I come over tonight?"_

"Sounds great..." I reply, and it did. I hoped that with Hallie, I could get my mind off Dawson.

_"Okay, what time do you get off?"_

"Um, ten?" Two and half hours away.

_"Great, I'll see you then. Bye Matt."_

"Bye," I murmur, and the line cuts dead.

* * *

We pulled up the scene involving three cop cars and an old blue banger. I rolled my eyes, typical car chase that had ended badly.

Two of the cop cars were minimally damaged and were empty, as the cops had managed to get out. The other cruiser was looking pretty bad and one cop was trapped inside. The banger was in the worst shape and I was told that it had two occupants.

"Mills, Cruz, go with Capp and get that cop out. Herrmann, Otis, with me and Squad, banger's ours," I instruct, and my men scatter or follow me.

Then suddenly I heard sirens wailing and when I turned around, Whilite was climbing out of an SUV, her face the object of panic. I felt sick, and my eyes flashed to the blue banger. _No._

She rushed up to me, "Is she in that car?" I yell, pointing at the banger, "Is Dawson in that car?!"

Whilite didn't the chance to answer as I heard Chief's voice calling me, "Casey! We need you here now!"

I rush over to the car, Severide keeping pace with me. Shay was already at the passenger side, Macaulay was at the driver's side. "Driver's DOA," he stated and Chief nodded, then I heard Shay plead, "Dawson, hunny, stay with me."

Chief pulled Shay away as I moved into her previous position. My stomach lurched and a sound of panic escaped my lips.

Dawson was unconscious, blood ran down her face, she was pinned in and worst of all, her clothes were ripped and disheveled.

I felt her pulse, _alive._

I tried the door and nothing, "I need the jaws! Move it!"

_Please no, don't die. Please, stay with me. _


	9. Chapter 9

_An hour earlier..._

**_Dawson_**

A dull ache throbbed through my head when I moved. I thought of Halstead. Dragon had shot him in the leg and hit his head with the butt of his gun, before dragging me into a separate room. _This went wrong very quickly. _Someone must have informed Dragon of our true identities and now we were paying for fooling him.

"Halstead," I spat out, staring up at Dragon from my position on the dusty floor, "Did you kill him?"

Dragon squatted before me, using the muzzle of his gun to brush the hair out of my face, "Not yet..." he drawls like he was having fun and something in his eyes told me to panic.

"Were you the one who shot my brother?" I ask knowing that if he knew who we were, then he knew why we were undercover. Dragon smirks.

"I was surprised that he survived," that was yes enough for me.

I swung my legs out to kick him and once he was knocked to the floor, I swatted the gun out of his hand and tried to get my hands around his throat. I succeeded for a moment, before he pulled a gun out from his ankle and pistol-whipped me in the ribs. I fell off his body, gasping for air.

Dragon jumps to his feet, collecting the gun I'd knocked out of his hands, he waved it at me, "I should kill you for that... But I need you. And there's something about you Gabriela, something I'm drawn too..."

"Go to hell," I hiss, clutching at my now-bruised ribs.

"Why? Why did you shoot him? He was just doing his job, he has a family," I manage to get out through breaths, staring up at him with angry eyes.

Dragon was definitely amused, "This is the business hunny, it wasn't personal until _you _got involved," he again squats down to me on the floor, running his sweaty hand along my jaw line and to the back of my neck. There, he clutched my hair tightly and pulled me closer to his face.

"You see Gabriela, I don't mix business with pleasure, but with you...I'm willing to make a few exceptions," he whispers darkly, whilst running his hand up my thighs, up to the material of my black dress. My stomach churned and I felt like heaving. _This can't be happening. _

But it was.

I push him away but he lunges forward and pushes me to the dusty ground, pinning me with his weight. I feel his hands wrap tightly around my inner thighs, trying to pry them open and then my instincts kick in, and I fight.

I scratch, bite, kick and punch with every last bit of energy in my body. I'm screaming, I'm screaming for him to get off me, begging, but he only smirks and growls that he 'loves a fighter.'

I hear my dress tear.

Then thankfully I hear, "Chicago PD! Nobody move!"

But Dragon doesn't listen, and as we're in a separate room we are yet to be discovered, and Dragon grabs my arm and begins to drag me away.

"Help! Someone help!" He pulls me through a back door and then pushes me into a rusty looking blue banger, where he climbs into the driver's side and begins to speed off.

"You bastard! You son of a bitch! They're going to find you and they're going to lock you up for the rest of your damn life!" I screech, trying to distract him from making logical choices. Thankfully I heard sirens wailing behind us and when I turned to look, I saw multiple cop cars and black SUVs following us.

"Shut up, shut up you little whore!" Dragon hisses, finally loosing the coolness and composer he desperately wore as a mask.

He was driving dangerously so I pulled on my seat belt and clutched at the seat.

I saw the panicked look in his eye as he drove relentlessly, coming to road block after road block and somehow managing to find a way out of them. Dragon sped onto another road and ahead of us was a line of cop cars and he had nowhere to go. Behind us sirens still wailed.

I smirk, "This is for Antonio..."

He presses his foot on the pedal and we lurch forward, and then a second later, everything goes black.

* * *

_"Dawson, hunny, stay with me..."_

_"I need the jaws! Move it!"_

I open my eyes slowly and at first I felt no pain. I knew I was in shock. I turned to my head and Dragon, dead, blood dripping from his mouth. Then I took in my surroundings, that dirty old car, crushed among police cars.

Then the most horrific pain sears through my stomach and I scream out.

"Shay! Help her!" I recognise that voice... Casey. Casey was here.

I force myself to open my eyes and sure enough I saw Casey on the other side of the door, his eyes the object of hurt and worry. Then I felt a warm hand on my arm, "Dawson, what is it? Where's the pain?"

"Left side of my stomach," I hiss through clenched teeth. Another flame of white-hot pain coursed through my body and I couldn't contain the scream that came with it.

"Dispatch this is 61. Prepare Lakeshore for emergency surgery. Female, 27, car accident. Probable ruptured spleen. ETA unknown," I tried to focus on Shay's voice, but the pain was unimaginable. I scream again.

"Gabs, you stay with me you hear? Focus on my voice, deep breaths..." Shay instructs as she takes my pulse.

"We're ready to get her out of there," it was Casey again. I could hear the fear in his voice.

Shay moves away from the car but I can still hear her voice so I try to focus on it, like she said, "I need her out of there in two minutes."

_Two minutes._

Casey appears again and I force myself to keep my eyes open, "Dawson, I'm going to get you out of there, I just need you to hang on a little longer okay?"

I nod and he begins his work. True to his word he got the door open in less than two minutes and then I was being moved onto a backboard. The movement caused more sears of pain to pound through my body and the screams that escaped from my mouth hurt my throat.

"Shay, what's happening to her?" Casey yelled and then I could feel his hand clutch my own.

"She's got a ruptured spleen... Dawson, I know this hurts like hell but I need you to stay awake okay?" She hovers over me, her face etched with worry and fear.

But I could feel my conciousness slip away and I had to force the words out before the darkness came, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry for hurting...you..."

"No Dawson, no! Goddammit, stay with me! We have to move! We have to move!" Shay screeches.

"Don't go, please. Fight for us Gabby," Casey cries and my heart breaks, just before the darkness takes me.

* * *

**_Casey_**

We'd been waiting for little more than an hour with still no news from either a nurse or a doctor. Around 15 minutes after we got here, Whilite entered the room pushing Antonio in a wheelchair. It seemed he knew as much as we did, from Whilite.

Hallie arrived not long ago and now she was sitting with me, her head resting on my shoulder, as we waited for news.

"Why did this happen?" Shay sniffles, looking up at Whilite for the answer. Shay was huddling her knees to her chest as she sat in a chair and she hadn't stopped crying.

"The gang somehow found out who Halstead and Gabby were. Dragon, the leader, took down Halstead and separated Gabby from him. When we stormed the building, Dragon managed to get Gabby out the building at into his car. After the police chase, well, you know the rest..."

Shay hits the arm of the chair, "I knew she'd get hurt! I knew it! And look where she is now..." Severide pulls her into his chest as she sobs. I looked around the room filled with the men of 51 and they were terrified.

I place my hand on Antonio's arm and he lifts his head slowly, still weak from the coma, "Dawson's a fighter, she'll make it through this Antonio."

He nods as a few tears run down his face, but he gives no words in reply.

Hallie nudges my shoulder, "Come on," she murmurs quietly, "Let's go get a coffee."

"The doctor..." I begin to protest, but she cuts me off.

"Splenectomies' take a long while. You'll be back before she's out of surgery," I knew better to argue with Hallie when she talked medical to me, so I followed her out the room.

We sat in the cafeteria around a small round table. Hallie was sipping at her coffee, while I cupped the mug in my hands trying to warm my shaking hands. Hallie reaches across the table and places her hand on my arm, "What i it baby?"

I rub the back of my neck, trying to ease the tension that had built up inside of me, "Worried..."

Hallie frowns, "Dawson's strong baby, she'll get through this."

"Everyone keeps saying that but what if she doesn't huh? What do I do then?" I hiss angrily, gripping a fist full of hair in my hand.

Something flickers in her eyes, "Can I ask you something?"

I knew what was coming and I nod.

"Did anything happen between you and Dawson while I was gone? I don't care-" but I knew she did. Although she never said it, I knew that Hallie was always jealous of how close Dawson and I were.

I shake my head, "No Hallie nothing, I told you everything. Dawson went to Voight and we argued-"

"Okay I believe you Matt, it's just, you're off."

"Off? Hallie, Dawson's in emergency surgery, off course I'm off!"

"That's not what I mean and you know it!" She yells before sighing quietly, "Look, Matt, let's go back. I'll see if they'll give me an update."

So I went back to the waiting room whilst Hallie went to find an ex-collegue. When I entered the room, I remembered about Halstead, "Hey Whilite, how's Halstead holding up?"

She looks up from her seat, "He's got a nasty concussion but luckily the bullet wound in his leg was just a flesh wound."

"Did he say anything about Dawson?" I ask and Antonio pales, like he knew something we didn't. Whilite clutches his arm with her hand, "He blacked out after he was hit." It wasn't a straight answer.

Then Hallie comes into the room and heads straight for Antonio and she squats down to be level with him. She murmurs quietly and then Antonio nods, "Tell them to do whatever they have too, " he says with tears in his eyes.

As she rushes out of the room, I catch Hallie's arm, "What-?"

"She's losing a lot of blood. They need to do transfusions," and then she disappears through the door.

I collapse into a chair. Shay sobs. The guys hang their heads and rubs their teary eyes.

Then Chief says, "Every thought and every prayer needs to be directed down that hallway. Gabriela needs to know we're fighting for her."


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey everyone! I'm very sorry for the delay, I've been very busy as of late and only had time to update properly today!**

**So I hope you all enjoy!**

**oxoxo**

* * *

**_Casey_**

It was one torturous hour later when the doctor arrived in his blue scrubs soaked in blood, and my stomach lurched. I thought it was very cruel for him to not even cover up the blood, but I guess he just wanted to inform us asap.

He steps into the room, "Family of Gabriela Dawson?"

Antonio looks up from staring at his wheelchair wheel and he clears his throat, "Yeah... Yeah that's us."

The doctor scans the room for a moment before sighing, "Gabriela suffered with a ruptured spleen and she lost a lot of blood. For a while it was touch and go, but she's made it out of surgery and we're confident that Gabriela is going to make a good recovery. She's got a few minor injuries from the crash, but all in I think you're lucky that you have a fighter on your hands."

My body limps with relief, "So she's going to be okay?" I ask as Hallie clutches my hand.

The doctor nods, "Yes. Gabriela will have to stay in hospital for a minimum of 5 days and her recovery will take a few months, but all in all she's going to be okay."

Relief swarms the room and everyone's worries are washed away by the doctors words.

_She was going to be okay._

The doctor then motions to Antonio, "You're Gabriela's brother yes?"

Antonio nods, "Come with me please."

Whilite rolls Antonio out of the room and for a moment I was curious, but I couldn't focus on that for long. Dawson was going to live and after thinking that I could have lost her, I couldn't care about anything else.

Hallie wraps her arms around my chest, "See baby? She's going to be fine."

I bury my face in her shoulders and hug her back, finding comfort in her warmth, "I know."

Then Whilite steps into the room, "Casey? Shay? Antonio wants to speak to you," I look at Shay with a confused expression that she mimics, but we join Antonio outside nevertheless.

He was rubbing his face when I first saw him, "Antonio?" I murmur, I couldn't imagine what was running through his head right now and really, I was afraid of what he was thinking.

He looks up at us, looking exhausted and worried, "Yeah, um, can you guys come with me to see her? I don't want to go in there alone..."

Shay was quick to nod as she was eager to see with her own eyes that Gabby was going to be okay, but I hesitated. I hadn't realised it before but a burning anger had been building inside of me. She almost died, she almost left us, because she was too stubborn to listen to anyone who was trying to talk some sense into her. _What would we have done then? What would have Antonio done? What would have I done?_

"Casey?" Shay murmurs, bringing me away from my thoughts, "You're coming right?"

Antonio was looking expectantly at me, "I know what she's done but..."

I quickly nod, not wanting to hear anymore, and I wheel him down the corridor, "Which room?"

"118," he murmurs, his voice barely audible. It was a shock to me to see Antonio like this, quiet, fearful, vulnerable, but what else could I expect? He'd just woken from a coma to find that his family was in protective custody and his partner had helped his sister get involved with his shooters, who was now laying in a hospital bed.

It would be a shock to anyone, no matter how strong they were.

I'd noticed Whilite hadn't followed, so I was assuming she was either giving Antonio his space or she was avoiding seeing Gabby. As Shay walked beside us, she was quiet and shaky.

"Shay, she's okay," I reassure her and she jumps at the sound of my voice.

She whips her head around to face me and her face softens, "I know Casey, god I..." I watch as tears slip down her face.

I clutch her hand, "It's gonna be okay Shay."

We reach room 118 and I pause outside. Antonio turns in the wheelchair to look at me, "Casey?"

I look down at him, "I'm good," I murmur, and then Shay holds the door open as I push Antonio into the room.

A quiet sob escapes Antonio when he sees her and I freeze. Dawson was pale, sickly so, and her brown hair looked limp against the pillow. I hadn't noticed before but now I could see multiple cuts on her face and arms, as well as her wrist being wrapped in dressing. She looked swamped by the blankets pulled around her body and Dawson was hooked up to many machines, beeply quietly but methodically in the corner of the room.

She didn't look like Dawson.

I push Antonio to the side of the bed as Shay takes a seat beside it, and then I move to lean against the wall away from her bedside. I couldn't be near her, I just couldn't...

Shay brushes Dawson's hair away from her forehead, "Oh Gabby, look at you..." she cries with little tone to her voice. I wince at the sadness I heard.

My stomach was lurching. _I nearly lost her because she wouldn't listen. _

"Antonio, her arms," Shay exclaims with shock and it was then I noticed, the large hand size bruises on Dawson's arms. _No._

Tears fell down Antonio's face, "When the doctor took me out of the room he told me that they found signs of attempted sexual assault. When Jules asked Halstead, he said that just before he fell unconcious he heard Gabby screaming and telling Dragon to stop..."

Shay's face lost all colour, "But, but he didn't?..." she stammers, unable to speak the unspeakable.

_Please God no._

Antonio shakes his head, "No, she fought him off. Doc says she's covered in defensive wounds."

I couldn't listen anymore. I couldn't stand to hear what had happened to her a minute longer. I couldn't stand to see her any longer. I just wanted to get away.

"Casey?" Shay murmurs quietly after noticing I hadn't said a word since we entered Dawson's room.

I felt like vomiting, "I can't... I'm sorry but I can't..."

And then I slip out of the room and head towards the bathroom, hearing Shay's cries for me as I left.

* * *

**_Severide_**

I found Casey in the bathroom, puking his guts up. I lean up against the sinks and wait for him to finish before speaking, but he doesn't come out of the stall so I end up talking to a plastic white door.

"Casey man, what's going on with you?" I sigh, knowing that the likelihood was that I was going to be here for a while.

This was more than Dawson going to Voight, working with the cops and going undercover. This was way more than that. I guess I knew what, but I knew approaching that subject would cause Casey to clam up and not talk to me.

"Not now Severide," I hear him huff, his voice scratchy and tired.

"Come on man, you can't keep this bottled up. Talk to me."

"Severide, I mean it..." He hisses and without seeing his face I knew that he was wearing his 'I'm angry with the world' look.

"Casey, come on-"

"She almost died and left me because she was too damn stubborn and too stupid to listen to anyone! Is that what you want to hear? Because that's the truth!"

_Okay, so I was right. _He was scared that he'd almost lost Dawson.

"She's not gone Casey."

"So that makes it okay huh?... She had everything to live for and she put herself in the worst possible danger. How could she?"

"Casey, you know how Dawson felt like she'd disappointed everyone. Like everyone hated her. She had no one to turn to and Antonio was lying comatose. She was desperate and scared and saw only one option. And she felt like she had to carry it through to the end or she'd end up disappointing the only person she hadn't already... You know this. So what is it?"

The stall unlocks and he steps out, looking worn out and frustrated, like he was battling something inside of his head.

He moves to wash his hands and doesn't reply, "What are you doing with Hallie, Casey?"

He snaps his head to look at me, "What?" He stammers with shock.

"You're in love with Dawson so what are you doing with Hallie?"

Casey storms out of the bathroom, the door slamming behind him.

_What was going to happen now?_

* * *

_**Casey**_

How dare he? That son of a bitch. Thinking that he knows it all yet he knows nothing. I'm not in love with Dawson. _I'm not._

She's a massive pain in my ass, she went to Voight, she's single-minded and she's stubborn to the point of enraging me. She doesn't listen to anyone but herself and she certainly makes stupid decisions. How could I love her?

I re-enter the waiting room and approach Hallie. She looks up from her seat when she notices me, "Can we go home?"

A crease etches in her forehead, "I thought you wanted to stay? Matt?"

I could feel the guys watching me, "I just want to go home."

Hallie nods and stands, taking my hand, "I'll see you guys tomorrow," I murmur as we leave.

Severide was walking towards the waiting room when we left and he calls behind us, "Casey, man, I'm sorry okay? Just stay man! Dawson's gonna want to see you when she wakes up! Casey I'm sorry!"

The elevator doors close and in turn, prevent us from hearing his voice.

"Matt?" Hallie asks, "What's he sorry for?"

I press my lips against hers, trying to find some comfort, "Nothing," I murmur against her lips, "Nothing."

I wanted there to be spark and fireworks like before, but when we kissed, all I could about was Dawson and her face as it floated through my mind.

* * *

**_Shay_**

Half hour after Casey rushed out Dawson began to stir and open her eyes. When she woke, pain was etched on her features and not all of it was the physical kind.

"What?" She mutters, her voice barely audible and she winces against the light.

"You were in an accident, doctors had to perform a splenectoctomy. Do you remember anything?" I ask quietly, clutching at her hand. I was just thankful that she wa alive.

Dawson nods, immediately regretting the movement by the look on her face, "I remember the crash. I remember you and Casey... Shay I am so sorry, so sorry."

"Ssh, don't worry about that now," I soothe, "Just worry about getting better."

"...That's not in your nature though, is it sis?"

Dawson's eyes widen when she spots Antonio sat beside her bed, "Antonio?... You're awake!"

He smiles and reaches over to hold Dawson's hand, "You gave us quite a scare there sis, could'a lost you."

Dawson rolls her eyes, "So where were you for the last month? Resting?"

Antonio smirks, "Something like that."

"How are you?" Dawson asks quietly, worry etched into her face.

"Better," Antonio nods, "Ready to kick your ass. How could you be so stupid Gabby?"

Dawson's eyes close as she sinks back into the pillow, "Antonio please, what good is this going to do? I've done what I've done and I'll face the consequences soon enough. You would have done the same thing for me."

"I'm the cop Gabby, you're not."

Dawson turns her head back to face me and sadness and worry linger in her eyes, "How is he?" I knew who she was talking about.

I sigh and hold tighter onto her hand, "Angry, frustrated, scared..."

Tears slip down her face, "Understandable."

"...You should've seen him Dawson, he thought he was going to lose you."

She wails and then tries to control her tears, "Maybe he's better off without me."


	11. Chapter 11

_**Dawson**_

It was a week later when I finally got out of the hospital with strict instructions for plenty of rest and little stress. Antonio was staying in for just a little longer, because the doctors wanted to run last-minute tests to make sure that he was perfectly okay. He seemed like he was getting stronger, but the doctors only wanted to be on the safe side.

So with Antonio on the mend and his shooters either dead or in jail, Laura, Eva and Diego were on their home. No matter how bad I was feeling, it was impossible not to smile when I heard their happy voices on the phone after being told that they were coming out of protective custody. This made the pain of what I did a little better.

Antonio was still a little annoyed with Jules but I told him not to be, if their was anyone to blame it was myself and eventually he forgave her. Halstead was doing good after being shot in the leg and luckily it was only a flesh wound. When he and Erin visited, I thanked them profusely for everything that they had done to help.

When the guys visited, I was scared to see them. I was afraid of how they'd be with me, if they were still angry like Casey, but they weren't. They were happy and thankful that I was okay, and when they came into my room I was greeted with many hugs and kisses and well wishes. They laughed and joked with each other and it was clear to me the relief that they were feeling. I was still feeling guilty for putting them through that much worry, but I think that they were ready to just put this whole ordeal behind us.

And as for Casey, I had yet to see him since I'd woke. I knew he was here when I was unconscious because Shay had told me that he'd seen me and rushed out, but he hadn't stopped by since. He was still angry and I understood, I really did. I'd put him through utter hell these past few weeks and I deserved his anger, I deserved it if Casey never spoke to me again. But I missed him.

I really missed him.

Casey had always had my back, always, and I always had his until I made the stupid mistake of going to Voight for help. And I knew that I didn't regret it, because it helped me get closer to Antonio's shooters, but I was still dwelling on 'what ifs'. But I knew 'what ifs' were fruitless now. _This _was my reality and I had to face it.

I wanted Casey to forgive me, for us to be friends again, but I understood if that's not what he wanted. But I needed him in my life, however selfish that was, because he was much more than a friend... _much more._

I couldn't go there, I knew I couldn't and I knew that I shouldn't. I knew exactly what would happen and I needed to protect myself from that hurt, because I knew that Casey loved Hallie and vice versa, and I'm not going to disrupt that because of what I wanted. I had no right or entitlement to what I wanted, this had to be about Casey and what _he _wanted and needed, because he was what was important here and not me.

Shay and Severide dropped me off at my apartment after being released from Lakeshore. I headed into the apartment clutching at the left side of my stomach, just below the ribs where the incision was made during surgery as it was painful and achy.

Severide places my bags on top of my table and looks around, looking at a lost of what to say. I knew he'd been spending some time with Casey and talking to him, and I wanted to ask about him, but I knew it wasn't right of me to ask and honestly, I was afraid of Severide's answer.

Shay stepped into view and placed her hands on my arms, "Are you sure you're going to be okay? I mean, I can stay." She'd been frantically worried about me ever since she knew I was going to be released and I appreciated the concern, after all I thought that she'd hate me.

I give her a small tired smile, "Yeah I'll be fine. I'm just going to take my meds and go to sleep. You should go home and sleep, spending all those nights at the hospital with me musn't have been comfortable."

Shay sighs and agrees, knowing that I wanted some time to myself after spending every waking moment of the past week with her, Severide, 51 or my family, "Okay, I will. Just call if you need anything okay? Promise?"

I pull her into a hug, "I promise," I murmur into her shoulder.

She and Severide turn to leave, "Severide?" I call quietly.

He turns his head to face me, "Yeah?"

"Thank you."

Severide flashes me a smile and I felt relieved that we were okay, "No problem. You rest up Dawson."

And so they left and I was alone.

I took my meds and checked my dressing and then I changed into fresh pajamas and climbed into bed, pulling the covers around my body tightly. The pain in my side was beginning to ease and I felt comfortable enough to sleep, and I should've been able to. After all, I was awfully tired. But I couldn't sleep and no matter how hard I tried, sleep wouldn't come.

Thoughts focused on Casey ruled my mind and refused to quieten for me to sleep. _Would we ever be the same again? Could I make things right? What would I say to him if we spoke? How would I show him how sorry I am? Will we be able to move on? What's happening with him and Hallie? Are they back together? How was he? Was he okay? What was he thinking? Feeling? Had I broken our friendship beyond repair? _

All questions I didn't have the answer to and maybe I'd never get them.

And then my phone rang, with the Called ID recognising it as 'Casey.' My heart flipped. Over the last week I'd called and texted him a few times, but I'd never gotten a reply. I figured he just didn't want to talk and I'd promise myself that the next day I wouldn't call, but I always did, just in case.

I contemplated not answering, ignoring his call and say that I was asleep and I'd missed it. But I knew I couldn't, no matter what he had to say, I needed to hear it.

_I needed to hear his voice._

"Hello?" I murmur quietly into the phone.

It was silent for a while, but then he answered, _"Hey Dawson..."_

"I called a couple of times..." It was the first thing that came to my mind.

_"I know..." _Well that hurt, _"I was just..."_

"Angry," I finished for him.

_"And afraid. I thought you were going to die Dawson, and then seeing you in that bed... I just couldn't and I couldn't listen to another minute of what happened to you. And I kept thinking that you were there because you did it to yourself, because you were too stubborn, but I realise now that you had to do it."_

"No, I could have found another way. What I did to you all was horrible and selfish, and I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you all..."

_"You don't have to do that."_

"I owe you all, for saving my life and for being there for me when I didn't deserve it."

Casey was quiet again for a while, _"How are you feeling?"_

"Achy, but this pain medication is working wonders."

I swear I heard him chuckle, _"Well I'm glad."_

"How are you doing?"

_"Better," _he answers simply, but it was enough.

"Good, I'm happy that you're doing okay."

Another pause, _"I'm sorry for not coming to see you in the hospital."_

"No, no, it's okay. I understand, I really do..."

_"It still wasn't fair."_

"Well I'm sorry for everything and I know it doesn't sound like much, but I really am sorry. I never meant to hurt you, to hurt any of you..."

_"I know... Go get some sleep Dawson, you need to rest."_

"Only if you will too," I reply, knowing that what I heard in his voice was fatigue.

_"Okay, I will. Goodnight Dawson..."_

"Goodnight Casey..."

A silence lingered for a moment before I heard him hang up.

And just like that, I fell asleep.

* * *

**_Casey_**

I head up to the bedroom and close the door behind me before climbing into bed and pulling Hallie to my chest, burying my face in her hair.

"You okay?" She murmurs, resting her hands over my own that had encircled her waist.

"Yeah," I say breathily, "Dawson sounds okay."

"And you?"

"I'll be okay."

Hallie soon falls asleep in my arms, but I lie awake with thoughts of Dawson in my mind.

I'd realised that there was no point in being angry anymore. After all everything had been said and done and there was nothing any of us could do to change it. I'd come to learn that we can only change the future.

I'd lied to Dawson, I had visited her at the hospital, once. A few days ago. It was 3am and Hallie was spending the night in her own apartment, and I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking of Dawson. So I drove to the hospital and snuck into her room when no one was looking. I knew that she'd be alone because Shay had been sent home by Dawson, information courtesy of Severide.

I was thankful that she had been sleeping, as I wasn't sure I was ready to face her yet, but I just sat at her bedside and watched her.

The slow and purposeful rise and fall of her chest, the slight stirs of her body as she dreamt, the tightening of her hand on the covers, the twitching of her lips, the movement of her eyes under their lids. I just watched.

In complete awe of her beauty.

It was then that I realised that my anger was useless and I was beyond that. That we had to move on from this, that we _could _move on from this and be okay again. That maybe we'd be more than okay.

Sure there was more to say even after our phone call, but as I fell asleep that night, I knew that eventually, everything would be okay.


	12. Chapter 12

**_Casey_**

"Where are you going baby?" Hallie asks, looking up from her book as she realises that I was pulling on my jacket.

"Going to see Dawson, she how she's doing," I reply whilst patting my pocket to check I had my keys.

It had been almost two days since I spoke to Dawson and I felt like now would be a good time to go see her and maybe talk things out, face to face.

Hallie's face drops as she sighs, "You sure you should be doing that?" Although she said those words, it sounded more to me that she was asking _'Why am I doing that?'_

"Yeah, even after everything that has happened she's still my friend Hallie and she's been through a lot lately," I answer, feeling myself begin to get annoyed. What was her problem?

Hallie rolls her eyes, "So we're not mentioning what she put you through then yes?"

"Why are you acting like this? A few days ago you were concerned for Dawson _and_ me. What's changed?" I couldn't help my voice from becoming a yell because for some reason she was angering me.

Hallie lets out an angry breath, "She's all you've thought about for days! We're you lying to me when you said nothing went on between you?"

I step back with shock, "No, nothing has ever happened with me and Dawson. I can't believe you'd think that I'd lie to you about that. She's my friend."

She throws her arms up at me, "She looks like more of a friend to me!"

"What the hell Hallie? You jumped straight into this argument, did you want this to happen?" She seemed hell-bent on an argument and she got it. It was an annoying habit she had, making an argument out of something small so she could say what she really wanted too.

"Yes!" She screams angrily.

"Why?"

"Because nothing's changed..." Hallie says a little more quietly than before and I instantly knew what she meant. I recognised that look in her eye, that look I'd seen plenty of times before every time hurting me more than the last. I finally realised what she wanted to say.

I felt depleted, "You don't want children," I answer bluntly.

_Nothing's changed._

Her body limps and she shakes her head, "It's not something I want from life Matt... I just don't."

_Did I know this all along? Was I fooling myself? Was it too good to be true?_ The answer was maybe.

I should have known that Hallie wouldn't have changed her minds on having children and that's not her fault. It's mine for continuing a relationship that hadn't worked for years so why would it work now? I would always wanted children and Hallie would never want them. Hallie had accepted that and so I had to accept it too.

It's not fair for me to continue a relationship that was never going to work.

"And you know I want kids... So what are we doing Hallie?" I mutter but I knew the answer. She did too.

"I'm sorry Matt, I really am...I'll get my things," Hallie says sincerely as she moves past me to go upstairs.

"I am too," I whisper and I don't stop her leaving. This was an awful hurt but a necessary one, we both couldn't live our lives like this and it was time to realise that and move on. We both had to find what we truly wanted in life.

So once Hallie left, leaving a lingering kiss to my cheek, I turned out the door and headed for Dawson.

* * *

I climbed the steps to her apartment and knocked three times before I waited. I figured that she was still in pain from the surgery and would be moving slowly, so I stopped myself from knocking again when a minute had passed without her answering. Then a few moments later, I heard the locks click and Dawson pulled the door open.

She looked a little tired but otherwise good. She was no longer pale and the cuts on her face and neck had healed and the bandage on her wrist had gone. Dawson was looking better.

She seemed shocked to see me, "Casey?"

"Sorry if this is a bad time... Just wanted to stop by..." I say nervously, afraid I was interrupting something.

Dawson shakes her head, "No, come in," she opens the door widely and I shut it behind me.

I follow her down the hallway and into her living room, "You want something to drink? I was just making tea."

"Tea will be good," I reply as I sit down on her comfy sofa, watching as she moved slowly around the kitchen.

"Still in pain?" I ask when she was straining to reach more tea bags from the cupboard which caused her to wince. I quickly head over and retrieve the tea bags for her, leaning over her frame.

"Thanks..." she murmurs, "Yeah, but it's lessening everyday now."

I watch as she makes the tea, admiring her. She was beautiful. _Casey..._

After a few minutes she hands me a mug of tea that warmed my hands as I encircled it, "Thanks."

She smiles a 'no problem' as she leans up against one of the cabinets, mimicking me.

We were silent for a moment and I could see the cogs turning in her head, knowing that she was either thinking of what to say or that she was trying to make sure she got the words right. I waited for her to speak and then she did, looking solemn, sincere and genuine.

"I need you to know that I never meant or wanted to hurt you. I hate myself knowing that I did, but it was never intentional. I felt trapped and like Voight was my only option, I know he wasn't, but that's how it felt. I wanted to do something right and I knew how everyone felt let down by me, and I just couldn't disappoint Antonio... I know it was a ridiculous way feeling but it's the truth. And once I was in it, I knew I couldn't quit because if I did I shouldn't have expected anything less than disappointment from everyone. Casey hurting you has been the hardest thing I've ever done in life and I'm so sorry that I did. I'll regret this for the rest of my life and I promise never to hurt you like this again... I couldn't bear to see you hurt by me again."

Slow tears slipped down her cheeks as she looked at me and spoke, and I knew that every word she spoke was the truth. Dawson had never and would never lie to me.

So I place down my mug and cross the little space to stand right before Dawson, taking her mug from her hands and setting in down. She stares up at me with confusion and I could see her mind racing, wondering what I was doing.

I wrap my arms around her small body and pull her to my chest, finding comfort in her warmth. Dawson returns the favour, her arms encircling my waist and she buried her face in my chest.

"I know you mean every word and it's okay, _we're_ okay," I whisper into her soft dark locks, feeling her body relax in my own.

* * *

Later when we had settled back in Dawson's living room on her sofa, she turned to me as she propped her elbow up on the sofa and tucked her knees under her body. I noticed that she was also holding her wound.

"What's up? You're quieter than usual," she states knowingly, waiting patiently for my answer.

_Should I lie? Tell the truth? _

"Hallie and I broke things off," I reply, not feeling as sad as I was expecting. Instead I was feeling comforted knowing that things were definitely over between Hallie and I, and that it was okay for both of us to move on and not look back. There would definitely be no more 'what ifs' between us. We knew where we both stood and where we both wanted to go, and we'd realised and accepted that it wasn't together. I could now look to the future and I hoped that she could too.

Dawson frowns, a crease in her brow forming and she reached over to place her hand over my own, "Oh I'm sorry Casey, do you want to talk about it?"

"We both finally realised what we wanted and it wasn't each other. We ended on good terms, we realise that it's time to move on," I answered truthfully and I watched as she processed the information and allowed me to talk.

It was something I always appreciated about Dawson, she'd always ask the right questions and allow you to talk freely without judgement. It was comforting that I could speak so easily with her.

_And it was nice to not be angry, or annoyed, or worried about her because she was out doing god knows what. It was nice to know that was over._

This answer seemed to explain enough for Dawson, "You okay?" she asks simply, her eyes watching me carefully.

"Yeah," I smile genuinely knowing that everything _was _going to be okay, "I'm good."

She smiles back, that big wide beautiful smile of hers, warming me to the core and stirring up emotions deep within me. _Emotions that felt good._

"So how long are you off work?"

Dawson frowns, "4 to 8 weeks, depending on how quickly I recover. This is going to be the death of me Casey, I _can't_ be off work for 4 to 8 weeks," she says seriously and I agreed, knowing how she hated being off work.

I roll my eyes and laugh, "You need that time to recover. You had pretty major surgery Dawson."

This time she rolled her eyes at me, "I'm already contemplating organising my sock drawer into colour, size and length sections Casey, I'm not going to cope."

I laugh again, "We'll find a way to keep you entertained."

Dawson scoffs, "Best be a very good way."

I stay until 10:30 before realising I had to get home as I had shift in the morning. Dawson walks me to the door and places a lingering kiss on my cheek, "Again, I'm really sorry for everything."

I place my hand on her arm, "And I meant what I said, we're good."

Her lips pull up into a thankful smile and as I walk down the steps and climb into my truck, I can feel her eyes watching me and as I drove off, waving goodbye, I looked in my rear view mirror and saw her still standing there, watching me.

So when I fell into bed that night, all I could think about was Dawson and how that now, everything was working out for the better.

We were moving past the bad and to the good.

_And everything was okay._


	13. Chapter 13

_A week later..._

_**Casey**_

"Hey Casey, you got a minute?" Shay asked, popping her head around my office door. I turned in my seat, thankful for a distraction away from paperwork and motioned for her to come in.

"Yeah, sure, everything okay?" I reply, curious about what she wanted to talk about.

She waves me off, "Yeah, nothing to worry about. I just wanted to ask about you and Dawson? All good now yeah?"

I nod and relax back into my chair, "Of course, we're great actually."

Shay smiles, "Well that's good to hear. I'm glad you managed to sort things out, because I know you mean a great deal to Dawson... So speaking of her, have you noticed her acting a little off?"

I frown, "What do you mean 'off?'"

She pulls a face as she tries to word what she meant, "Like quiet maybe? I don't know, it's just..."

"I think what happened is catching up to her. She hasn't talked about that day with me, has she spoken to you?" I now knew what she meant. Whenever I was with Dawson, I sometimes found her day-dreaming with a frown and I always wondered what was going on in her mind.

Shay shakes her head and sinks into the edge of my bed, "No, that's why I'm worried. And I think she's missing this place, and the guys..." her voice drifts off quietly.

I fill the silence with, "I think she feels like after she distanced herself from everyone, she hasn't been able to come back from that..."

Shay nods and looks up at me, "Are you going to see her tonight? Can you talk to her?"

Something told me Shay already knew that I was going to Dawson's tonight, but I shrugged it off to typical girl talk, "Yeah, of course I will."

She gets up from the bed and places her hand on my shoulder, "Thanks Casey, I know you can get through to her in a way no one else can."

"What do you mean?"

She turns and flashes me a smile, "Oh Casey, if only you knew," she laughs mysteriously before she disappears out of sight.

_If only I knew what?_

* * *

We'd just got the back from a minor oven fire when my cell rang, caller ID recognising it as Dawson. I frowned and looked at the clock, 12:15am I noted, surely she'd be sleeping by now?

So I answer as I'm walking across the apparatus floor, "Hey Dawson, what's up?"

There was a sniffle but no answer, "Dawson?!" I said, becoming increasingly alarmed. Shay must've took note of my worried tone as I passed her and now I could feel her watching me.

_"...Casey?" _Her voice was small and timid as she spoke, and I could tell that she was crying.

"I'm here... Are you okay?" I ask as I was pacing the kitchen floor. Nerves shook through me, what was wrong?

_"Not really."_

" I'll be there in ten minutes okay? Hang tight for me..." I was already heading out the kitchen by the time she spoke again and I felt eyes on me as I moved.

_"No! You're on shift!... Could you...talk to me please?" _She asks timidly.

"Talk to you? About what?" My reply was laced with confusion.

_"Anything... I just need to hear your voice..."_

I paused for a moment before I walked slowly to my office, "Okay, do you want to hear about Cruz's prank on Otis? You would've loved it!"

Dawson chuckles, _"I would love too..."_

It was an hour later when I finally heard Dawson's voice become sleepy, _"Thank you for this Casey. You don't know how much this has helped."_

My heart was pounding in my chest, "You know you can call anytime don't you?"

She sighs, _"How do I deserve you huh?... Thanks Casey."_

"Is it nightmares? Is that what frightened you?"

_"Yeah...but I don't really want to talk about it right now..."_

"No, I understand, when you're ready I'm here. What if I come by in the morning?"

She begins to protest, _"No Casey, you don't have to do that. You've already done enough."_

"I was only asking to be polite. I'll come round after shift."

Dawson laughs and then yawns, _"Okay, thanks Casey."_

"You should get some sleep..." I murmur, when I hear the fatigue creep into her voice.

_"I will. Goodnight Casey..."_

"Goodnight Dawson," I reply, but I think she already fell asleep to my voice.

That was comforting.

* * *

**_Dawson_**

At 8am the next morning I padded around my apartment in nothing but an oversized hoodie and messy hair. I could smell the coffee brewing in the kitchen from a mile off. It looked like the beginnings of a lovely day as the sun was rising brightly in the blue sky, accompanied by a soft breeze. I opened up a window, allowing the cool air to brush over my skin and wake me up a little.

I fell asleep to Casey's voice last night, which scared but excited me. _It was definitely something I could get used to._

But where was this going? I desperately wanted to know the answer, but I was worried that it would scare me. And whatever happens has to be on Casey's terms and it has to be what _he _wants. He's the important one here. I hurt him and I have to make up for that. This has to be about what _he _wants.

So when I hear the door knocking I freak, thinking that Casey was doing a 9 till 9 shift and not expecting him for another hour. I try to find some pants to pull on but I come up empty in my blind panic. _Casey's waiting..._ I tell myself, before scampering towards the door in a hoodie that only reached the top of my thighs and hair that was frizzy and messy.

Flustered, I swing the door open with mighty force and I'm taken aback by Casey standing there, looking outrageously beautiful. His bright eyes were glistening in the lovely day and the crisp blue sky only complemented them. His cheeks were a little pink and his lips were pink and soft and perfect. He was dressed casually, in a fitting blue t-shirt and khaki shorts, but he looked amazing.

I realised I was staring when his lips turned up into a grin, "Good morning," he cheered, before he scanned my form.

His eyes widen a little and I found myself biting my lip nervously under his stare and I could feel my stomach flipping. "Morning," I murmured quietly, thinking that anything louder may ruin the moment.

Casey paused for a moment before answering, "I brought pancakes," he announced happily as he held up a brown paper bag.

As if on cue my stomach instantly growled at the mention of food and I opened the door wider to allow him to come in, closing the door behind him.

By the time I turned around he was already heading into the living room and when I caught up, Casey was removing plates from the cupboard. I started unpacking the bag, smelling the fresh pancakes and syrup and hearing my stomach growl loudly once more.

Casey must've heard as he looked over to me, "Someone's hungry," he states with a smirk.

"Starving. Plus, this stuff smells like heaven," I reply as I held up the tray of pancakes.

Once sorting out the food we moved to sit at the table, tucking into the food hungrily. I took my first bite and moaned, "Casey, this is the best pancake I've ever put in my mouth. Wow."

He grins, "Well Servini's sure know how to cook pancakes so I'll be sure to thank them on your behalf."

"I'll be happy to marry this 'Servini' guy, Casey. I'm in heaven," I say faking seriousness and watching him roll his eyes and laugh.

"So how was your shift?" I ask casually but with genuine intrigue, also I was worried that I'd woken him up when I called and I was hoping that he'd tell me otherwise.

Somehow, Casey seems to know exactly what I was thinking as when he looks up from his pancakes he replies, "If you're wondering if you woke me up, you didn't. We'd just gotten back from a call when you rang, so don't sweat it... Anyway, I don't care what time of day you call okay? If you need me I'm here..."

_Please heart, slow down. _

Our eyes had caught each other and I couldn't find it in me to look away, not that I wanted to, but god, _he is stunning. _Casey was making me nervous in ways I can't explain, making me feel things I'd never felt before and it was exhilarating and enlightening. I couldn't form coherent thoughts as my mind was stunned by the emotions and feelings coursing through my body. _What is this?!_

Casey was first to look away and then he cleared his throat, "Well...er...shift. It was same-old same-old really. Nothing particularly stood out. The guys though, they're really missing you and they can't wait to have you back. Shay misses you too, Macaulay is driving her nuts."

I chuckle and look down at the table, "I miss them too," I murmur, feeling a pang of guilt in my heart at his words. It felt like I'd barely seen them these past few weeks, because in reality, it had been ages since I'd last spent a normal and disaster-free day with 51.

I hear the chair scrape noisily across the floor as Casey stands, but I can't bring myself to look up at him. I feel him turn my chair away from the table so that he could kneel in front of it, placing his hands on either side of the seat, close enough to my bare legs that I could feel the heat of his hands.

Casey tucks his thumb under my chin and tilts it up slowly so that he could see my eyes, "Hey," he lulls quietly, "No more of this okay? They still love you and no ones holding any grudge. You're not going out of their lives and they're not leaving yours... Honestly we're all just glad we got you back."

I could feel traitorous tears slip down my face and I wipe them away quickly, "Sorry... I just think I needed to be told that," I murmur, removing his hand from my chin and holding onto it tightly, slipping my fingers in between his. _Like they belonged there._

"Come by the firehouse tomorrow? I'll show you that there's nothing to worry about," Casey smiles and I feel him squeeze my hand.

I nod, "Yeah okay."

His face turns serious but sincere, "So this nightmare, what happened?"

I was hesitant at first, but I knew Casey knew about what had happened and soon the words flew out of my mouth because I just needed to tell someone, "It was about Dragon - the guy in the car with me - and he succeeds in what he tried to do at the warehouse... I try to fight him off but he's _so strong_ I can't... I woke up before... you know...but I got the jist of it."

Casey was shaking and I could only assume it was from anger, because he was looking away. I place my hand on his cheek and pull his face to look at me, "Hey, I'm okay. It didn't happen. _I'm okay, _Casey."

He doesn't say a word. Instead his arms curl around my waist and he pulls me into his chest, and I'm instantly warmed by his heat. My hands find their way to the back of Casey's neck, playing with the locks of hair they found there. I was calmed by our bodies wrapped together like this and soon Casey was too, the shaking having finally stopped.

Casey pulls away but he doesn't move far, our faces so close together.

"I'm so lucky to have you in my life Casey," I whisper truthfully, squeezing his hand.

That beautiful honest smile tugs up his lips, "Funny, I was about to say the same thing."


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello everyone! I just want to thank everyone who has reviewed my story! Those reviews mean a great lot to me! **

**I would also like to thank everyone who continually comes back to read this story. You people are awesome!**

**So I hope you enjoy this update!**

**oxoxo**

* * *

**_Dawson_**

_'Have you left yet? The guys are dying to see you!'_ Casey's message read and my stomach flipped. _So they were expecting me,_ I thought as I locked my front door, feeling a little nervous but mostly excited to see everyone.

I'd really missed them.

_'Just got in my car. Won't be long!'_ I reply and a large smile spreads across my face as I drive off towards the firehouse. It felt really good and really _normal_ to be heading to 51, and I relished in the feeling of comfort I was getting.

I was beginning to feel much better and my stomach only felt sore now and then, so I told Casey that I would be fine to drive myself and I was. Every little task or chore felt so much easier now that I knew Antonio's shooters were no longer a threat and that Casey and I were okay. It was a massive weight off my shoulders and now the only thing missing was Laura, Eva and Diego who were coming home later today or tomorrow, after being in protective custody in Colorado for all this time.

Antonio was being released very soon too so it seemed like everything was slipping back into place. It was very welcomed.

Fifteen minutes later I pulled up at 51, pausing for moment to take a deep breath before I slide out of the car and lock it. When I look up at the garage I can see the shutters are up, due to the lovely day, and in their place stood everyone, smiling and cheering as they saw me.

I duck my head after feeling my cheeks blush but I pick up my pace to reach them faster, feeling myself being drawn to them.

Two long arms wrap themselves around me and squeeze tightly, "It's so good to see you here!" Shay exclaims as I curl my arms around her waist.

"It's good to be here Shay," I murmur into her shoulder.

She spins me around to face the guys and my heart tugs at their smiling faces, "I just wanted to tell you all how thankful I am for everything you've done for me and how you all stood by me, even though I didn't deserve it... I love you guys..." I could feel myself tearing up so I quickly said, "So someone come and give me a hug before I cry..." I laugh wiping at my eyes.

Cruz, Herrmann and Otis rush forward and engulf me in their large arms cheering, "We love ya Dawson!" I found myself being passed on to Mouch and Severide, then Clarke and then Chief, "We're glad to have you back and I'm happy you're doing well."

I smile, "Thank you Chief."

I see Mills standing beside Chief who I offer a smile too, worried about his reaction to me, "Glad you're back Dawson," he says quietly with a small smile. I guess we were okay, "Thanks Mills."

Then I feel familiar hands clutch at my shoulders, "Hey Casey," I smile, turning my head to see his face and I immediately feel my heart beginning to pump at a much faster rate.

"Wasn't so bad huh?" He grins as I turn around.

I raise a brow, "I'm glad I trusted you."

* * *

**_Casey_**

Dawson sat with the guys in the breakroom throwing her head back in laughter as Cruz told everyone something funny. I could barely listen as I was in complete awe of Dawson and her beauty and free spirit. The way her cheeks were slightly flushed with pink, the way her eyes glistened with happiness because she was here, the way her lips pulled up into that big showstopper smile, the way her dark locks swayed with her every movement. How she brushed away a lock of hair only for it to fall back again and how her hands seemed to convey her emotions with the way she held them. I was amazed by her and I didn't care. She was my everything.

"So Dawson," Mouch asked from his typical spot on the sofa, "how's staying home all day?" He teases, his glasses slipping down his nose.

Dawson rolls her eyes, "Torture. You don't know how excited I was to get out of the house, even if it was to see you Mouch," she teases lightly, that playful tone in her voice that drove me crazy.

"What can I say, you ladies love me," he laughs, ignoring her sarcasm.

Shay leans over the couch to kiss Mouch's cheek, "Of course we do Mouch."

Macaulay grunts and rolls his eyes, "Hey Macaulay," Dawson calls and he looks up, vaguely interesting, "You been catastrophising my ambo?"

She's answered with a further grunt and eye roll before he returns to his paper, causing Dawson to laugh.

I feel my phone buzz in my pocket and I take it out, reading the text that said_ 'We're here'_. I lean over and tap Dawson's knee, catching her attention. She turns to me with a smile, "Yeah Casey?"

Shay looks over at us with a genuine smile, knowing what was coming, "I have a surprise for you."

Dawson raises a brow but I can see the curiosity that has sparked in her eyes, "Is it ice-cream?" She asks and the guys laugh, and they begin making their way outside as they knew what I'd planned.

"No, it's better," I chuckle and her curiosity and excitement only spikes.

"What's better than ice-cream?" A deep crease of confusion had settled into her forehead.

I take her hand and lead her outside after the guys, "You'll see," I laugh, amused at how curious she was.

I led her past the guys careful to block her view with my body, "Ready?" I ask when Shay gives me the nod. Dawson was barely containing herself, "Yes?"

So I step out-of-the-way and watch as her jaw drops, tears spring in her eyes before she smiles. She turns to me quickly, "Casey, you...?"

I nod and tilt my head, "Go..." I encourage and I watch as she rushes off towards Laura, Eva, Diego, Antonio and Whilite. Antonio was still in his wheelchair, but I was told he was almost ready for crutches and Laura and the kids looked great.

"Laura! Eva! Diego!" Dawson exclaims hurriedly as she rushes down the drive towards them. Eva and Diego meet her halfway and Dawson engulfs them in her arms, kneeling down as the children bury themselves into her body. Laura then meets them, placing her hand on Dawson's shoulder before she looks up and hugs Laura. Dawson then clutched Eva's hand as they walk towards Antonio before both she and Eva hug him in his wheelchair, and I watch as his face lights up with pure happiness after being reunited with his family.

I feel Shay move next to me, "Doing this for her, it's great Casey. You've really made her happy..." she murmurs and I nod with a smile, "Whatever you're feeling Casey, act on it." Then she walks away, not giving me chance to answer or question.

After a few minutes the Dawson's and Whilite had returned to the car and were now driving off, Dawson waving as they went. I watched as she didn't move from the bottom of the drive, instead wiping at her face.

I quickly jogged down to her, "Dawson?" I soothe when I see her tear stained face.

She turns and throws herself in my arms and I feel her hands clutch at my shirt, "Casey thank you. You don't know how much this means to me. Thank you so much."

I smile into her hair, "It was my pleasure."

"You're amazing. I hope you know how amazing you are."

* * *

Later that evening when it was nearing 9pm I walked Dawson out to her car, after she said her goodbyes to everyone inside. She holds onto my arm as we walk and I get the urge to wrap my arm around her waist, but I refrain from it. Instead I place a hand over her own.

"Thank you for today. It was perfect. I really needed to see the guys and 51, and seeing Antonio, Laura and the kids, it was great. Thank you Casey," Dawson says with nothing but gratitude in her voice.

"It's nothing. I'm glad you got to see them," I reply and I watch as her eyes glisten. _So beautiful..._

"Even Peter Mills was okay with me, I wasn't expecting that really," she says haphazardly as if she didn't realise what she was saying.

My brows burrow in confusion, "Why would Mills not be okay with you?"

Dawson's face dropped, "Oh, I forgot... Mills and I were... kind of together for a little while before everything happened. We broke it off, but I was expecting him to be angry with me and he was okay."

_She was with Mills._

"Oh," I murmur, unable to look at her, "So you're not...together now?"

She shakes her head, "No and it's for the best. We don't click in that way."

I wasn't ashamed at the wave of relief that washed throughout my body. I had no right to be jealous, but I was.

Dawson was leaning against her car when she spoke next, "I can't wait to get back to work," she mumbles as she looks up at the firehouse.

I tuck my hands in my jacket pocket to try to prevent the temptation of touching her, it barely worked, "When do you get back?"

"Another week or two," she sighs unhappily, "I've got to the see the doctor in a few days, I'll know for sure then."

"It'll go by quicker than you think," I offer.

Dawson smiles, "I hope so."

I notice her yawning so I say, "You best get going before you fall asleep on the sidewalk. I don't want to have to haul your ass back up to the firehouse."

She scoffs and jabs my arm lightly with her fist, "The cheek on you, Casey... Yeah, I best head home. Get to bed."

I hug her before she climbs into her car, "Drive safe. Goodnight Dawson."

Dawson smiles and waves, "Goodnight Casey."

And this time, it was me watching as she drove off, watching as she drove further and further away, not moving from the sidewalk until her car was out of sight.

After we got back from a call later that night around 1am I fell into my bunk in hope of getting some sleep before the next alarm. I kicked off my boots and pulled my phone out of my pocket, pressing the button so it would light up. When it did, I noticed I had one message.

I opened it up and read that it was from Dawson, _"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom' - Marcel Proust."_

I fell asleep with the widest smile on my face, feeling my heart beat rhythmically, until I thought of Dawson and then it would skip a beat.


	15. Chapter 15

**Apologies for the delay! I hope you enjoy this chapter, but you Dawsey lovers will be tortured for just a little while longer. Until the next chapter at least!**

**Hope you enjoy!**

**oxoxo**

* * *

_2 and a half weeks later..._

**_Dawson_**

It was my first day back. My first day back at 51 with nothing stopping me, with no weight on my shoulders. I had hardly slept last night as I was so excited to get back to 51 and I ended up arriving to work an hour early, armed with a grocery bag of supplies. I tackled the kitchen head on and by the time I'd finished, the smell of muffins, bacon, egg and cookies filled the room.

I left the food warm and fresh and covered in the kitchen while I went to change into my uniform in the breakroom. Once I had slipped into my uniform I felt relieved and comforted, this is where I belonged. I welcomed the fabric as it clung at my body as it had been so longed since I'd worn it, and I couldn't have felt happier.

_No more stressing over Antonio's health, no more worrying about Laura and the kids, no more hurting Casey or Shay or the guys, no more cops or gangbangers._

I was 100% back on the job after months of being distracted._ I was home. _

I tightened my pony tail and checked that the dressing on my wound - which was almost ready to come off - before I headed back out to the breakroom. I could hear voices which got louder and louder as I approached and when I turned the corner and stood between the two walls leading into the room, I saw everyone standing or sitting there grovelling down my food. I smiled.

"Dawson! You're back!" Herrmann cheered as he raced towards me, clutching at a cookie. As he was the first to notice me the others turned around just as he was rushing into me, swinging his large arms around my body.

"Hey! Dawson! Welcome back!" I heard them exclaim as I entangled myself from Herrmann.

"It's good to see you're better," Herrmann grinned his contagious smile and I felt my face light up with a smile of my own, "Never better."

The Chief gave me a quick hug, "This place hasn't been the same without you. We're glad you're back."

I nod, "Thanks Chief."

Once I had hugged everyone Cruz announced, "Drinks tonight to celebrate?" He cried, turning to look at me.

I raised my hand, "Count me in!" I laughed.

Once the excitement had gone down and everyone was eating Casey sat down beside me, nudging my arm lightly, "Hey you, how you feeling?"

"Great," I smiled as I picked at a muffin. _Why does my heartrate always increase when he's around?_

"The Chief was right, it hasn't been the same around here without you. And the food hasn't been as good," he smirked as he bit into a cookie. I rolled my eyes.

"I heard no news of food poisoning so that's a plus."

Casey laughed and I felt my stomach flutter. The sound of his laugh was enough to drive me crazy.

"...You left you're jacket at my place last night. I meant to bring it with me but I forgot," I tell him as I picked my way through the muffin.

I instantly caught wind of Shay's eyes snapping up at me. I watched as her eyes narrowed at me, reading more into what I'd just said than she should. I glared right back.

"Oh that's okay," he said and I questioned why he hadn't just told me to bring it to the bar tonight.

I saw Shay raise her brow, "Dawson you gonna help me with stock? Or you still accustomed to sitting on your ass?"

I raised a brow right back but I raised from my seat, "You're still a Grade A bitch I see."

"It's why you love me," she teased.

"I'll see you later," I waved to Casey as Shay pulled me into the garage, watching as his face turned up into a smile before he was out of sight.

* * *

"Why didn't you tell me?!" Shay exclaims hurriedly when we were in the garage, away from anyone in earshot of us.

I stare at her confused, "Tell you what?"

She slaps my arm, "That you were sleeping with Casey!"

"What?!" I stammer, my jaw pratically on the ground, "I'm not sleeping with Casey!"

Shay stares at me with an equally confused expression on her face, "Then how is his jacket at your place?"

I laugh nervously, "He's been coming around a lot lately..."

Her eyes widen, "I knew he was but not that much. Have you been going to his?"

I nod, "When I was up to it, yeah. Otherwise he came to mine. Why?"

"...It's cute."

I roll my eyes, "And it shows that he really cares about you Dawson," she says calmly with a smile.

"I know it does, it means a lot that he cares this much," I murmur whilst staring at the ground, feeling a little guilty that Casey cared so much when I dont deserve it.

Shay rubs my arm with her warm hand, "You care about him too..." she states with no question.

"Very much. He makes me feel...wow," I mumble, having no other word to describe how I felt around Casey.

"And are you going to do something about it?"

"Do what?" I question.

Shay looks at me as if I'd just asked a stupid question, "Like tell him?"

"What? No, I can't do that..." I stammer nervously. I can't do that. How would I even say it? I'd mess it up. Wouldn't I?

Shay throws her arms up, "Why not? Come on Dawson, everyone knows that there's something going on between you. It's a shock to you but no one else."

I suddenly find arranging the gauze to be very interesting and I can't look Shay in the eyes. However scary it was, the idea of me and Casey like that, together, sounded perfect to me. He made me feel so safe, so electric, so alive that I'd never experienced these feelings with anyone but him. And I knew that it was only him that could make me feel this way. The piece of my puzzle.

"Oh... I can see those clogs turning so I'm not going to say anymore... Pass me that box will ya?" It was what I loved about Shay the most, she's say her piece, help you understand and then she'd move on and leave you to your thoughts rather than hound you.

So I was left thinking, _'Was she right?'_

* * *

After a few calls it seemed to calm down for a while at the house and it looked like we'd have a little quiet time. I was cleaning the ambo with Shay - after she drove through the _largest _puddle of mud I have ever seen after concluding that it was our only way to the victim, it was not - when Mills approached me.

"Hey Dawson," he said almost nervously, rubbing his hands together, "Do you have a minute?"

Shay looked up at me, "Can I leave you to clean up _your _mess for a moment?" I teased and she glared at me, "I'll find a way to manage," Shay answered sarcastically.

Mills and I walked to the edge of the house just outside the doors where it was warm and breezy, even after the rain we had last night, "What's up?" I asked with a friendly tone, but my curiousity as to what he wanted to say was heightening.

He sighs for a moment, "I know that since you've come back that things have been okay between us, I just want to ensure that there are no hard feelings? Things ended badly between us and-"

"Mills," I soothe, putting my hand on his arm, "It's okay, really. You don't have to worry about anything, it was _my _fault, really. Don't sweat it. We're good."

"Then good, I'm glad... I didn't want to lose you as a friend," he smiled with his big grin. It was one of his best features, that smile, it made him light up.

"Me neither," I answer, feeling happy that we'd cleared the air. It was good to know that things were okay between us.

We re-entered the house just as the alarm was sounding calling us to a building fire. Personal woes aside, we raced off into our respective vehicles and drove off.

* * *

**_Severide_**

If Casey was going to continue pacing like this then I might just have to knock him down. He's driving me crazy and if I focus on him for too long, dizzy. It was a miracle he hadn't collapsed yet with all the back-and-forth.

"Casey, man, I'm serious. Quit with the pacing. You're driving me nuts," I yell from the sinks where I was sitting. We'd been here a while.

He mutters something intolerable but otherwise he remains doing what he was doing before.

A minute later, I sigh, "I can hear the high-pitched rambling of your thoughts from here. Care to share?"

Casey looks up at me and stops moving, _thank the lord, _"I don't know," it wasn't much, but it was a start.

I was ready to answer with 'Well if you don't know then we're screwed because I have no idea' but I decided against the sarcastic reply, so instead I went with, "Don't know what?"

One look at his face and I knew what he was about to say, "Dawson," he answers as if this would answer all my questions.

The vague replies were getting a little annoying and undecifiable, "What about her?" I asked, though I knew what he was thinking.

I got no reply which left me thinking that Casey didn't know how to put it into words.

"You love her," I said for him.

His eyes snap up to look at me, "And you're wondering how you're going to tell her. Or if you're going to tell her."

The incredulous look on his face made me smirk, as if he was thinking _'How did he know?'_

"I can read you like an open book Casey."

Casey opened his mouth to reply, "Then how do I? Tell her?"

I roll my eyes, "Just say it. It's that simple Casey. Nothing good is going to come out of you delaying it for any longer."

He clenches his fists as a nervous act, "I don't want to sound..."

"Like a dork?" I finish with a laugh and I watch as his face turns angry, but I could tell it was what he was thinking, "Yeah," he sighs.

"Look man, just tell her. You're not going to sound like a dork. It's been a long time coming and you'll find the words when you tell her. Dawson... well Dawson's loved you for longer than you'll probably believe. You don't have to be scared, Casey. It'll work out for you both."

Casey's quiet for a while before he smiles, "Smart words for a womanizer."

"What can I say?" I shrug with a grin, "I'm a smart man."

Then his face falls, "But what if she-?"

I stop him, "Trust me Casey. She won't."

* * *

**_Dawson_**

I was sitting in a booth with Shay, Severide and Cruz sipping at a beer, tantilizing the moment when Casey would arrive. Everyone had been here for almost half hour, but still no sign of Casey. I wanted to see him, to see his smile, his eyes, _him._

I was anxiously awaiting his arrival but I knew he'd make me nervous when he was here. Casey's ability to make me feel like a nervous teen never ceased to amaze me.

"You're gonna give yourself neck-ache if you keep craning to look at the door," Shay smirks with a raised brow and I whip around to glare at her.

"Am not," I mutter before taking a large gulp of my beer.

She laughs loudly, "Do you know how childish that sounds?"

I roll my eyes and ignore her.

Then I hear his voice and I turn to see him. Casey caught my gaze, smiled and my jaw dropped.


	16. Chapter 16

**_Dawson_**

Casey looked astonishingly and amazingly beautiful. His eyes had never shone brighter and they were glimmering under the lights of the bar. His smile was wide, white and knee-weakening, his happiness seeping through with his smile. He was dressed in a simple blue denim shirt and dark trousers, but I'd never seen him look more sexy and alluring. My heart swelled, I wanted him, _needed him_.

And he was carrying a large cake decorated with a firetruck and an ambo, a cartoon character that was meant to be me dressed in my uniform and the words 'Welcome back Dawson!' written in red buttercream.

By now the guys had gathered round carrying beers and wearing smiles singing _'Oh she's a jolly good fellow.'_ I looked up at Casey feeling my cheeks warm with a blush as he smiled down at me, his mouth moving with the words of the song.

Once they'd finished singing I laughed, "Guys, this cake is amazing. Thank you."

Herrmann slaps Casey on the shoulder, "Well you've gotta thank Casey. It was his idea."

"Really?" I ask, brow raising slightly, "Well it was a good idea," I say thanking him with my eyes, "Okay, someone get me a knife, we need to eat this thing!"

"Oh let me take a photo first!" Shay exclaims, bumping against my side as she leans over trying to take a decent photo.

Once we'd passed around cake to everyone I ended up sitting beside Casey in the booth with Severide across from us, while Shay and Otis were dancing pretty drunkenly with each other. I was laughing as I watched Shay grind up against Otis, his face looking like he'd won the lottery.

I rolled my eyes, "You'd swear she was a straight as a board," I laugh.

Casey turns away from the scene they were making, "With the way she's dancing then yes."

I sip at my beer, "Otis looks like he's having fun," Severide smirks, completely unaware of the two girls ogling him from the bar, sipping at their girly beach drinks. Casey seemed to have noticed too so we both laughed after catching each other looking at the girls looking at Severide. After Severide noticed our laughter he looked at us with a confused gaze.

"What?" He asked looking back and forth Casey and me for answers.

"Those girls over there," I nodded my head towards them and Severide followed with his gaze, "They're practically drooling over you and you're sitting there _completely _clueless."

Severide smirks cockily, "Well I can't help it," he shrugs nonchalantly.

Casey rolls his eyes, "You don't even notice it do you?"

Severide only seemed to relax more into the booth, his body lounging into the seat, "Nah, not really," he mutters, drinking the last embers of his beer. He notices that both Casey and I have almost finished ours too and he's eyes prick up with an idea, "Next round on me?" He grins, seeking his opportunity to get closer to the two girls at the bar.

Casey laughs after realizing Severide's intention, "Sure thing bud, go get 'em," he smirks and then he watches Severide stroll across to the bar, oozing charm and charisma.

So Casey and I were left alone and I felt the connection between us buzzing like electricity, my stomach fluttering with nerves but my mind was calm and relaxed. Casey was a calm, level headed person and he radiated his energy to the people around him and I was content and comforted in his presence.

"Thank you for that cake, it was like_ the_ best cake I've ever seen," I laugh easily, fighting the urge to rest against his shoulder and cuddle into his side.

_I wanted him. Always._

He looks down at me with a playful gaze, "_The _best?"

"Okay," I chuckle defeatedly, "Not the best, but its second to Laura and Antonio's wedding cake. That was a five tier chocolate and vanilla buttercream cake and I swear, it was the best thing I've ever tasted."

Something in Casey's eyes were darkening and I could feel my lust for him build, "Sounds like it was," he murmurs with a low rasp.

I had barely noticed that I was biting at my lip apprehensively until Casey reached up with his hand and slowly untucked my lip from my teeth. My skin tingled at his touch and I felt my desire for him only heighten. My heart was now drumming rapidly in my chest, _how could he do this to me after one small touch? _

Casey was driving me mad without any knowledge of doing so.

Then we were snapped out of _whatever that was _by Shay throwing herself at our booth shouting, "Where's my main man huh?" She slurred whilst sliding sloppily into the seat. I pointed towards the bar and she turned around to see Severide talking to the girls who were staring at him earlier, "Oh, he's setting up a threesome. Maybe I can join."

Casey and I begin laughing uncontrollably and we hardly stop all night.

* * *

**_Casey_**

At around 12pm everyone began slowly leaving the bar so Dawson and I left, heading out into the warm summer breeze. As the bar wasn't far from Dawson's apartment, the plan was to walk back to hers so I could pick up my jacket and call a cab.

Dawson looked extraordinarily and absolutely beautiful tonight, but she always looked beautiful, _she was beautiful. _Her hair was big and curly and wild as it framed her face. Her eyes were dark and smoky but lustrous, her cheeks were flushed with a pink blush and her smile was wide, sexy and perfect. She was wearing a black dress that hit just above the knees in the front but stooped lower in the back and fit snugly to her stunning body. It had slits in the dress at the waist, giving me a glimpse of her gorgeous mocha skin.

_I wanted her. Always._

"So, Lt. Matthew Casey, tell me... What is going through that incredible head of yours right now?" Dawson almost sings, her bouncy walk turning into a skip down the sidewalk. I was amazed how she managed to do that with heels on.

I was a little nervous that she might fall and hurt herself, "That you're gonna fall and break you're ankle."

She turns and grins at me, her eyes glistening playfully, "Oh Casey, I'm fine."

Dawson was still skipping along the pavement as we turned into her street, "You don't understand how much it means that you've all welcomed me home with open arms. I don't know what I would've done without you all."

She wasn't drunk but neither was she sober so I knew that she was speaking what she was thinking, "You know we just wanted you back," I replied as I walked beside her.

"I know," she smiles gently. Dawson slowed back into a walk and she fell into step beside me, our arms brushing against one another's. We quickly reach the steps leading up to her apartment, but neither of us move towards them.

Dawson moves to stand in front of me and slowly and cautiously, does she move her hands to rest on my chest. She looked up at me, biting her lip in that sexy way once more. She was nervous but also determined. _About what?_

"Casey," she says in a soft whisper. My stomach flipped, but a strong sense of confidence and desire pushed me into revelling in my feelings for Dawson. I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her soft body into my chest, relishing the feel of her body against mine.

I kept one hand clutching at her waist before I ran the other up her body and held her cheek in my hand. Dawson grasped at the back of my neck with her hand, pulling my face down to hers. I heard her gasp and I smiled, just an inch from her face.

"Are we really doing this?" Dawson murmured incredulously, allowing her feelings of vulnerability and insecurity to seep through.

"Yes."

I close the gap between us and as our lips collide, I felt my world come together. Everything was right. Perfect. This would forever be the best memory I have, the best moment of my life. We moved in slow but passionate movements, taking it slow so we could relish and retain every single moment to memory. I pulled Dawson even tighter to my body when I pressed her up against the wall, needing to feel more of her.

The kiss only intensified and we were soon breathless, our lips moving completely in sync with each other. Like we'd been doing this for years. Like it was our destiny and that we were always meant for each other. How could her lips be this soft? This perfect? She never failed to leave me stunned in every sense of the word.

When the need for air arose we parted lips and leaned our foreheads against each others. I noticed how the flush in her cheeks had only gotten pinker and smiled.

"Come inside?" Dawson whispered tenderly, gazing up at me with her big beautiful brown eyes.

I smile and kiss her gently but lovingly to try and soothe her of her worries, "I wouldn't have it any other way," I murmur in reply.

She tugs my hand gently as she leads me up the steps and near to her door. Dawson slips the key out of her purse and fiddles with the lock, her back facing the door. I wondered what she was doing before Dawson pulled me to her and began kissing me again. I smiled against her lips.

Then suddenly the door opened and Dawson lost her balance, falling into the doorway and I fell down with her, after having my arms around her body. I try to lift as much as my weight of her as possible, but her carefree giggling was causing me to laugh too.

"Well there goes my attempt at being sexy," she giggles, pressing her face into my neck. I could feel the vibrations of her laughs shake through her body.

"You don't need to try," I mumble, suddenly completely and utterly transfixed by her. Dawson looks up at me and pushes her lips against my own. When our lips met, making me feel whole and complete, I knew that I'd never get tired of this feeling of being with Dawson.

"What's changed?" My voice was low and husky when I spoke before pressing a kiss to her jaw. We were still laying in her doorway, but neither of us seemed to mind. "Why tonight?"

I could tell she was trying to control her breathing and I was amazed but almost smug that I could have this effect on her. I knew she was having the same effect on me,"You had me with that cake..." she chuckles teasingly, but then I start kissing down her neck, coaxing the answer out of her.

"Okay," she moans and the sound was like music to my ears, sending blood pulsing to my lower regions, "before the cake...Way..." another moan, "way before the cake."

I could feel this intensifying quickly so I lifted myself and Dawson off the floor and shut the door behind me. I pull her quickly to my body once more, spinning her around and pressing her against the door. Dawson pulled me to her chest and our lips met in a battle of dominance once more.

"What's changed?" Dawson says when we part, "I can't deny my feelings for you any longer and I can't be without you for a second more. I need you Casey and this feels so right, so _great,_ that I can't possibly let you go."

No more needed to be said. I lifted her into my arms and felt Dawson wrap her legs around my waist. As our lips collided again I quickly found the bedroom and slipped inside, Dawson clutching heedfully at my neck.

I lay her down on the plush bed and straddle her hips, feeling our bodies sink into the white covers. I gaze down at Dawson letting all this sink in. She was watching me with complete trust, love and passion and I knew that I could never let this go.

"I need you too," I whisper feeling that if she could be vulnerable and open and honest with me, then I should trust it enough for me to do the same too.

_Begin as we mean to go on._

I was leaning back on my shins and ankles so Dawson quickly tugged on my shirt to pull me down towards her. Our bodies were now pressed tightly against each other's as I ran my hands up the material of her black dress.

When our lips meet once more I heard her gasp against my mouth. Her hands tugged at the bottom of my shirt and she quickly pulled it off my body and discarded it somewhere in the room. I relished at the feel of her small warm hands as they roamed my torso and back, and Dawson's touch sent shivers shaking throughout my body.

"I haven't taken my eyes of you all night. This dress, _you, _you're astonishingly beautiful," I whisper into her neck as her chest quickly rises and falls against my own. I hear her moan into my ear, before shocking her as I sit her up and kneel on the floor, gazing up at her.

"As gorgeous as these are," I murmur, pointing at her black heels, "They need to come off," I quickly loosen the heels and slide them off her feet one at a time, and then I massage her feet, watching as her head tilts back with a groan.

"God you don't know how great that feels... Those shoes were killing me," Dawson mutters with her eyes closed. The whimpers and moans that escaped her lips were increasing my arousal for her, but before I could make a move, Dawson clutched at the back of my neck and guided me back onto the bed.

She rolls us over and she is soon straddling my hips, her eyes transfixed on my body. I thought I would feel nervous, insecure, but with Dawson it was easy and effortless, I knew she was the one.

Dawson intertwines her hands with my own and look of desperation and vulnerability making its way onto her face, "I need you Casey."

I sit up, meeting her clothed chest with my bare one and look up at her with complete honesty and truth, "Then you have me, forever. I can't _not_ be with you any longer... So you have to do one thing for me, please?"

Dawson smiles and kisses me quickly, "Anything."

"No more last names?"

"Okay, _Matt,_ no more last names," she grins and the use of my first name, the way it rolled off her tongue, excited me in ways I couldn't explain.

I find the back of her neck and pull her towards me, pressing my lips needily against hers, "God, you'll be the death of me."

* * *

**I must stop because this chapter is getting too long, but don't fret! For all you smutty lovers the next chapter will contain the rest of the night and the next day, we finally have our Dawsey!**

**Hope you're all enjoying.**

**oxoxox**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey guys! **

**I just wanted to thank all you wonderful people who have reviewed, read and enjoyed this story. It is so wonderful to know that people are enjoying reading it just as much as I enjoy writing it. **

**I thank you for sticking by me through this story and through those that I have written in the past. **

**I hope you enjoy the next few chapters of this story, before I end it and move onto my next story. I hope you will follow me to new stories too.**

**Have an exceptional day!**

**oxoxox**

* * *

**_Dawson_**

_Was this real?_

It hardly seemed it. It didn't seem plausible that I could be here, _kissing Casey... Matt. _But yet somehow I was and it was the best thing I'd ever experienced in my life. There was something so different by being kissed by Matthew Casey, something so different from anyone I'd ever been with before. He made it feel like it was my first kiss all over again _every _time he kissed me. In fact, _everything _he did he made it feel like it was my first time and I was excited, nervous, passionate and crazy about everything he did.

If I wasn't lying down I would have definitely collapsed because the way he was kissing and nipping my neck made my body weak in ways I never knew possible, "I need to see you," he murmurs against my skin, "And feel you."

Matt lifted me to the seating position where I shuffled to sit with my legs tucked under me so I was sitting on my calves. I sat up, brushing my body with his bare chest and I couldn't resist feeling him, so I didn't. As Matt curled his fingers under the bottom of my dress, I ran my hands across his chest, adoring the feeling of his warm skin and strong muscles under my touch.

My dress is soon discarded on the floor and the cool air of my bedroom felt wonderful against my hot skin, but it did little to cool me down as once I saw the look in Matt's eyes when he looked at me, I felt a pulsing heat race through my body. I was left in a purple bra with matching panties, nothing too sexy or special, but the way his eyes widened with lust and desire made me feel no insecurities.

His large hand curled around my waist and pressed our bodies together tightly and the other hand ran up my body until it came to rest under my jaw. Matt tilted my head gently pausing for a moment to whisper, "You're so beautiful," before he kissed me once more.

My mind was spinning when he finally pulled away, dazed by his mesmerizing touch. I needed to feel more of him, every single part of him, so I fiddled quickly with his belt and pulled his zipper down, momentarily feeling his arousal.

"You have quick hands," his stunned voice said quietly and I threw him a smile. I straddled his hips and pushed him into the covers, forcefully pressing my lips against his own, "It's practically a job requirement," I reply with an amused tone.

I shuffle down his legs pulling off his trousers as I went, haphazardly throwing them on the floor once they were clear off his body. And then suddenly he's lifting me back towards him and pulling our bodies tightly together. With our lips still involved in a passionate battle, I unclipped my bra from behind and pulled it from my skin, throwing it somewhere in the direction of my wardrobe.

Matt's eyes darkened with lust and want as he looked at my now bare chest before meeting my eyes once more. I was shaking with desire for him. He ran his hands teasingly up my sides and back before they found their way to my breasts, and my eyes closed at his touch. His warm and slightly calloused hands felt magical on my breasts and I moaned as he teased them. My eyes flew open when I felt a warm wet mouth around my now hard nipple, as he teased the other with his index finger and thumb.

"Whoa, Matt," I muttered gravelly, as I began to rock my hips against his own. I hooked my hands around the waist band of his boxers before pulling them down as far as I could, then I rolled us over so I was lying down so I could pull the material further down his legs before he kicked them off.

Matt smirks devilishly, "Impatient are we?" he teases, pressing a kiss to the crevice in between my breasts.

I swat his arm, "I'm not a particularly patient person yes."

He brow raises, "Well I won't make you wait too much longer," he husks and then he's pulling my panties down off my legs, his fingertips grazing the skin of my legs before were both completely naked in each others arms.

Matt purposefully makes tantalizingly slow movements up my legs and I fidget, trying to somehow speed up his touches. He had me completely under his spell and there was nothing that I could do about it, not that I _wanted_ too, but I was completely captivated by him.

"Matt, you're killing me," I whimper desperately and then he clutches my hand with his own.

A long moan escapes from my lips as Matt enters me with his rock hard member and it takes me a moment to adjust to him. As he waits he kisses my neck and I grasp at his body heedfully, and he begins to move in and out of me.

I was seeing stars.

In a sea of blind adoration and passion I tug needily at Matt's neck as collide my lips with his, relishing in the feel of our bodies connected in ways I'd imagined that would never be possible. I grind my hips up against his and when his movements increase in pace I can't help it when my nails dig into his back. He doesn't seem to mind.

"Gabby," he husks against my neck, his voice laced with desire. The sound of my name on his lips was like music to me and I knew it was something I was instantly addicted too.

And then just when I was about to shatter around him, he stops his movements.

"What?" I huff breathlessly, staring at him incredulously. Matt only gruffs in response and rolls us over, so that I was straddling him. I smirked.

"You want me on top?" I tease and he nods, pulling my mouth to his with his hands. I rock against him quickly finding that wonderful pace for both of us and I was in heaven. Matt curled one hand around my waist and another moved south, teasing my most sensitive part with his fingers.

I was shaking against his body, crying out profanities and moaning uncontrollably, "Matt, baby, oh god..."

I came with my lips captured against his, feeling pulses of incredible pleasure and ecstasy pound through my body. I shuddered from head to toe, feeling more amazing than I ever had before. And only seconds later did Matt come too, his body quaking under my touch.

I buried my face in his neck, breathing in his alluring and divine and incredibly _Matt _scent, allowing my breathing to slow and my mind to calm. As Matt also calmed, he draw mindless patterns with his fingertips on the skin of my back, sending shivers down my spine.

"Wow," I sighed into his skin.

I felt Matt's chuckles vibrate through my body, "Wow indeed," he replied, lowering us into the bed and wrapping the sheets around our intertwined bodies.

Matt wrapped an arm around my waist and I lay partly on his chest, one arm tucked behind his neck and the other resting on his chest. Our legs were tangled together in a hot mess.

"I'm glad we finally did this," I murmur honestly as I played with the light hairs on his chest.

"Me too," Matt answers kissing my head, "but I want this to be a permanent thing Gabby, not just tonight."

His words were said with the utmost truth and fidelity, which explained why I felt my eyes begin to water, "That's the only thing I want Matt, _you _forever."

Matt tilts my head with his thumb under my jaw, so our eyes connected, "Then I'm not going anywhere."

"So you'll be here in the morning?" I ask almost worriedly, _I didn't want him to disappear._

He smiles and kisses me, "Of course I will."

I fell asleep soon after, feeling safer, happier, more loved and more content than I ever had before. Intertwined in Matt's arms, I had never slept better than how I did with him.

_This, was where we belonged._

* * *

I awoke the next morning to a kiss on my lips. Smiling I eased my eyes open, slowly adjusting to the morning light, "Hey," I mumble, seeing Matt gaze down at me with a look of wonder and a smile the size of Texas. He was mind-blowing.

"Hey," Matt whispers and I feel his hand tighten on my waist.

"Best nights sleep ever," my voice was a little throaty with sleep and I inwardly cringed at the sound.

A light laugh left Matt's lips, "I can tell," he chuckles as I stretch out my body, almost hitting him in the face as I stretched.

"What do you want to do today?" I ask before kissing his chest as I fell back into his arms.

He smiles, "Anything, I just want to be with you."

I smirk playfully, "Well there's plenty of things I think we can do together."

Matt's brow raises as he rolls us over, "Oh really?" He asks, hovering over me.

I reach up to kiss him passionately, "Really."

A little later I'm in the kitchen making breakfast while Matt was in the bathroom, freshing up. I was comfortably wearing his shirt, bewitched by his scent that was trapped in the clothing. _This was so easy...right._

"You definitely look better than me in my clothes," I hear his voice chuckle from behind me. I spin around, the spatula still in my hand, eyeing him in his boxers and nothing else, admiring the astonishing view.

"I think you look better without them," I quip, before turning back to the eggs frying in the pan. Moments later I feel his hands enclose around my waist from behind and he rests his head on my shoulder, kissing my neck.

"Smells great," he murmurs quietly and I smile.

"They're just eggs," I laugh.

"Still smells great," Matt chuckles as I hear his stomach rumble.

I plate up and we eat at the table, our feet intertwined underneath the table, "I wonder how Shay's feeling this morning," Matt remarks and the statement instantly reminds of me of Shay's drunken antics last night.

I laugh, "Definitely rough and probably a little sick."

"No doubt," he replies before sipping his coffee.

Seconds later Matt asks, "Are you free tonight?"

I look up at him, wondering what he had planned, "Yes I am, why?"

Matt smiles at my blatant curiosity, "Then I want to show you something, but it's a little drive away."

I instantly blabber in reply, "I don't care as long as I'm with you."

I should have felt like smacking myself in the head for that cheesy line, but Matt's warm and genuine smile made me feel less cheesy and more _right. _

At four o'clock Matt was dressed and trying to find his keys. He was catching a cab home for an hour to shower and change, before would drive back to pick me up for our date.

"Is it stupid that I don't want you to leave?" I ask against his lips after kissing him for the millionth time, but every single time it felt amazingly good.

He shakes his head, "No and I don't want to either, but I have to shower."

I raise a brow, "I have no objections to you going naked."

Matt chuckles loudly, "I'm sure you don't..."

He kisses me once more before he slips out the door and down the steps towards his awaiting cab. Before he climbs inside, Matt turns to face me with this massive smile that could have lit up Chicago during a power-cut.

"Gabby?"

"Yeah?" I call back.

"Love is a friendship that has caught fire," he answers sincerely, his face happy and content, before he climbs into the cab and it pulls away.

_How fittingly true._


	18. Chapter 18

**_Dawson_**

Three quick knocks on my apartment door sounded in the middle of a fantastically poorly timed hair crisis.

I was battling maddening frizz and crazy curls amidst trying to pull on my shoes and clothes. I'd opted for a deep purple summer dress with sandals and a cream cardigan, perfect for the warm Chicago evening and for whatever Matt had planned. He said 'casual would be fine,' but I still spent many mind-boggling minutes trying to decide what to wear. I'd quickly applied some light makeup with no fuss, but the moment I came to my hair all hell broke loose.

Whilst ragging a brush through my hair I raced to the door and quickly unlocked it. I was stunned at Matt's astonishing form so I kissed him and pulled him into the apartment.

"You look great," I murmur realising just how much I'd missed his lips when he was gone.

Matt smiles, "So do you." I slip out of his arms and head back to my mirror, once again fighting with my brush.

"No I do not, I'm currently suffering a major crisis with my uncontrollable mop," I babble with frustration, running 'anti-frizz' lotion through my hair that made no clear difference. I groaned.

Then suddenly I felt Matt's long arms encircle my waist from behind. I watched through the mirror as he rests his head on my shoulders with a smile and it suddenly occurred to me how great we looked together, and how right it looked. And felt.

"There's nothing wrong with it," he soothes gently, reaching up to remove my hands from my wild hair, "I like it. It's sexy."

My cheeks blushed with red-hot blood, "But you don't have to deal with it," I protest lightly.

"I'll deal with anything you want me too. That's why I'm here. I want you and everything about you, including crazy wild hair," he chuckles, teasing a lock of my hair between his finger.

I could feel my eyes watering at his words. I turned in his arms to face Matt, placing my hands on his arms, "You mean that?"

His thumb strokes my cheek as he smiles genuinely, "I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. I want everything."

I reach up to kiss him, pulling him tightly to my body, "And I want everything too. Every annoying man habit, every morning smile and every evening groan. After falling asleep in your arms last night, I don't want to spend another night without you beside me."

Matt quickly pulls me out the door and into his awaiting truck. As we pull off he grins, "You want to know where we're going don't you?"

I snap my head around to him, "More than anything. I've told you, I'm not a patient person."

His hand wanders to my bare knee, teasing the skin on the back of my knee. Irrevocably my head tilts back slightly and a low moan escapes my mouth, "You're not playing fair," I mutter.

"Like you mind," he laughs teasingly and when I lull my head to face him, I could see the darkening of his eyes.

"So where are we going?" I ask once more after removing his hand from my knee and clutching it in my hand, now free from any distraction.

Matt's face softens, "It's just a little surprise. Do you think you can hold on for just a few more minutes?"

I lean over and kiss his cheek and after seeing how much this means to him I reply, "For you, Matt, I can. I just think I'll have to give you your own surprise later to repay you..." I whisper teasingly and I watch as his eyes now light up with his own curiosity and desire.

"Oh really? Are you going to give me a clue?"

I raise a brow, "Patience Matt. I'm sure you'll enjoy it."

We ended up in a small sushi restaurant near Grant Park which was quite and cosy but served the most amazing sushi. It was one of my favourite restaurants and I was surprised that Matt knew about it, but then I remember talking about the restaurant with him years ago. I smiled to myself as I realised how much he'd remembered about me over the years and how sweet the gesture was, and how caring it was too.

Matt looks up over his menu, "What's the smile for?"

"You remembered," I reply whilst gesturing to the restaurant as explanation.

He almost appears embarrassed by my answer as his cheeks flush lightly, "It's funny... I remember loads of our conversations, even those from years ago. So when I remembered you talking about how much you loved this restaurant, well, I thought it would be nice if I brought you here."

I reach over and place my hand over his, "That's very sweet of you and it means more to me than you'll probably ever know... How did I get so lucky huh?"

Matt was stopped from answering when the waiter arrived to take our orders. Once he'd left I posed to Matt the question that had been on my mind since I realised that we were on shift tomorrow.

"What happens tomorrow? Are we telling everyone or?..."

"I want everyone to know that you're my girl Gabby, but whatever you're comfortable with, I'll do," Matt answers with sincerity and pure honesty that it made me feel sure about what I wanted.

Then I laugh, "Well chances are they'll guess and if they don't then Shay _definitely _will, but if not we'll tell them. I don't want to hide this."

"I don't think I could," Matt smiles and now I feel a blush of my own creeping into my cheeks.

* * *

Once we'd finished our food we left and walked through Grant Park in the cool breeze. Matt had one arm thrown over my shoulders and I held on to his waist, relishing in how good it felt to be wrapped in his embrace. Matt made sure that he guided us through the park and I couldn't help but think he was taking us somewhere.

"Are we going somewhere in particular?" I question with extreme interest. The sky was now dark and the park lights had been switched on, and I loved the park in the night-time as it felt so mysterious and it looked beautiful.

Matt chuckles and kisses my head, "Always so curious," he answers without really answering, just avoiding the question.

"You're avoiding the question," I sing whilst tickling his sides. Matt squirms slightly and swats my arm out-of-the-way, and instead holds my hand. Then he comes behind me and covers my eyes with a hand, and then guides me across the path. I then felt grass under my feet as we moved.

"Almost there," Matt soothes as he could see me becoming more agitated and excited. As we neared wherever we were going I could hear live music playing and the sound of water. I smiled when I realised where we were.

As Matt pulled his hand away from my eyes Buckingham Fountain came into view and on the grass before the lake was a band playing music. Other people were around listening to the music and waiting for the fountain lights to begin.

We sat in the grass with my back pressed up against his chest and our legs side by side. The band was playing soft jazz and the sound of the fountain water running was so relaxing I could have fallen asleep in Matt's arms.

"Today's been perfect," I murmur, bringing his hand up to my lips so I could kiss it.

Matt kisses my head, "I'm glad it has been."

Then the fountain lights up with bright colours, switching gently from colour to colour every few seconds or so. I hadn't come to watch the lights in many months, maybe even a year, and it was nice to just lay back and watch the show. The band was also a nice complement to the lights.

"Did you know that a band was playing here tonight?"

He chuckles and I felt the humours vibrations in his chest through my back, "I may have looked it up yes..."

"Well it's lovely, thank you."

Matt tilts my head and slowly kisses my lips, leaving me breathless with his slow and simple touch, "It's my pleasure," he murmurs.

* * *

As Shay and I returned from a run sipping at our beloved coffee, she turned to me in the ambo and said, "Something you wanna tell me Dawson?"

I roll my eyes, knowing that sure enough she'd suspected that something was up, "Am I that obvious Shay?"

She laughs loudly, "Yes, you are. Now start from the beginning. I want all the juicy details."

I bite my lip, "Well it happened after he walked me home from the bar..."

"And how was the sex?" She asks bluntly, getting straight to the point.

I blush, "Wow, like really, wow."

Shay slaps my knee, "I knew it! I knew it!... Go on."

"Well he stayed the night and then we spent the day together, and last night Matt took me to that sushi restaurant near Grant Park and then he took me to Buckingham Fountain to see the lights."

Shay coos, "You guys are sooo cute. It's adorable."

We pull into the station when she asks, "Are you happy? Ridiculous question but-"

"I'm the happiest I've ever been," I answer truthfully and Shay grins widely.

"Let's go tell the family!" She shrieks as she rushes out of the ambo and towards the breakroom. I quickly jump out of the ambo and rush behind her but she's too quick.

I hear her exclaim, "Hey guys, did you know Casey and Dawson-" as she rushes through the door.

But Herrmann cuts her off, "...are together. We know. Beat the information outta' him. His own fault for smiling too much."

I rush in finding Matt sitting at the table swatting Herrmann with his newspaper, "Really?"

Cruz throws his arm over my shoulders, "Really really. Wasn't hard to guess with him smiling like crazy. We thought about admitting him for a moment."

I laugh, "Well I'm glad you didn't."

Mouch gruffs, "Gah, happiness is among us... On the other hand we're happy for you."

I tuck a lock of hair nervously behind my ear, "Awh look, she's embarrassed!" Otis teases.

I throw him a glare but can't help the laugh that escapes my lips. _I was so happy._

* * *

Later on in the shift Matt swiftly pulls me into his office, locks the door and pushes me up against it, capturing my lips in a passionately crazy kiss.

His hands roam my uniform-clad body and I'm instantly aroused by his touch.

"I've missed you," he murmurs after nipping the skin on my neck. I moan at the act and my knees struggle to hold my body up.

"I can tell," I sigh fumbling with his clothes so I could reach under his shirt and feel his warm skin under my touch, digging my nails into his skin when he clasps his hands under my ass.

"Matt, fuck," I growl as he pulls his body tightly against mine and I feel his hardness against my heat. If he hadn't been holding me up, my legs would have given away beneath me.

Just as I was unzipping his trousers the alarm sounded, _"Truck 81, Squad 3, Battalion 25, Ambulance 61, house fire..."_

"Duty calls," I murmur, re-zipping his trousers and straightening my clothes.

Matt smirks, "We'll resume this later."

_Oh definitely._


	19. Chapter 19

**_Dawson_**

Shay and I didn't get a chance to return to Lakeshore after the house fire as we were called to another fire. We arrived at the block of flats and saw that the rest of the house was already here, some already inside. The building was burning savagely, three out of four floors alight with rapid red flames, some licking at the windows of the now ruined apartments.

Mouch was operating the ladder while Cruz and Otis vented the roof. Matt, Mills and Herrmann were inside along with Severide and his squad. Chief stood feet apart, staring up at the building whilst clutching at his radio.

Capp and Hadley brought out a few victims, all with minor smoke inhalation. They were about to go back inside when the Chief stopped them.

He gripped his radio once more, "Alright, I'm calling it. All companies out."

"Copy that Chief, 81 and 3 are on our way," it was Matt who replied. I felt a wave of relief.

I was treating a woman who had a head injury after falling on her way out. She seemed okay, just riddled with shock more than anything. Shay was handling another smoke victim as we sat on the grass outside the building. I could feel the heat from the flames even from here.

"Shay, can you pass me some tape please?" I ask and seconds later I felt the tape in my lap. I show her a quick smile of gratitude before I continue tending to the woman. Another ambo then took her away along with Shay's victim.

Then I heard a loud crash and my head instinctively snapped towards the building. _Oh god._

I stepped beside the Chief and then I knew to panic, as his face was riddled with worry. My stomach flipped.

"Casey report! Severide report! What's going on? Report!" Chief yells into his radio with complete panic. Shay's at my side and I can feel her shaking too.

_Please, no._

_This is bad. This is really bad._

"Report! Someone report!" Chief calls into his radio desperately, anxiously awaiting a reply. I stood staring at the burning building, my entire body frozen and numb and shaky. My heart was racing wildly, fearing the worst, and somewhere deep inside I felt a throbbing ache of pain, scared to death that this was it.

The radio crackled, "Chief, this is Severide. We're okay, but Casey... he's unconscious, he's hit his head pretty badly. We're coming out."

The pain was no longer a throb, it felt like I was being repeatedly being stabbed in the chest. Fear took over, my blood was racing and my body was shaking, and I felt so cold.

_Matt was hurt. _

It felt like so long until I saw them moving through the smoke. Four of them were carrying Matt. I whimpered.

I'm at his side the moment they lay him on the ground. I pull off his mask that is covered with sticky blood and saw his face, pale and bloody. Matt was unconscious and it looked like he'd hit his head really bad. _No._

I checked for a pulse. I found one.

"Get him on the gurney," I order my voice hoarse, trying to stop my hands from shaking. The guys lift Matt's limp body up and onto the gurney, where we wheel him towards the ambo.

Still unconscious.

I vaguely register pulling the gurney into the ambo and driving off. Severide climbed in with us.

I hook Matt up to the heart monitor quickly and check that his heart rate. It's fast. As I try to pull an oxygen mask on his face, Matt starts to convulse.

_No._

"Come on Matt! Come on!" Somehow I get the oxygen mask on his face as Severide tries to restrain his convulsing body. I try to hold him down, but he's fighting against me.

Matt grunts and his eyes roll into the back of head.

"Dammit Matt. Stay with me... Not like this Matt! Not like this!" I scream with fear laced into every word and every syllable.

I whimper as I check the heart monitor. _Too fast..._

Matt grunts again, still seizing.

Severide's face is a picture of terror as he clutches Matt's hands, trying to hold him still.

"Please," I cry helplessly, "Stay with me..."

When we arrive at Lakeshore Matt's whisked out of my hands so quickly I didn't have time to react. He's pulled out of sight and then I'm pulled to a silly little waiting room I notice as being too white. It felt like death clinged to its walls.

I'm staring blankly at the floors when everyone arrives, their faces mimicking each others. _Fear, worry, panic, hysteria..._

They knew how bad it was without having to be told.

I still felt my body shaking violently, waves of terror coming in huge bouts that made me feel like I was going to be sick. As I lean against the wall, Shay suddenly appears in my line of sight.

She pushes a lock of hair out of my face, "He was seizing Shay. It's bad," is what I manage to say, the words sounding foreign, as if they didn't belong with me. They shouldn't, Matt should be okay.

She doesn't say a word, instead she wraps her arms around me and rocks gently as I cry. _I can't lose him._

When I pull away a thought flashes through my mind, "What happened in there?"

Severide can't answer so Herrmann does instead, "As we were coming out a ceiling gave way. A couple of beams and debris fell down. A beam... knocked...Casey down..."

I could feel my legs weakening so I pull myself into a chair beside Severide. I notice that his hands were shaking slightly and I slip my hand into his own.

He looks at me and I could tell how fearful he was about losing Matt, "He's gonna be okay Dawson," he murmurs, squeezing my hand.

I nod but don't answer as I don't trust my voice.

_Was he? Was he going to be okay?_

* * *

Half an hour later I'm pacing the entrance to the room, keeping an eye out for any doctor that appeared to be coming to us.

"Why is it taking them so long?" I cry out in frustration. I needed to know if he was going to be okay, if he was alive. I needed to see him. To see that silly grin on his face as he laughed at the something I or one of the guys had said.

No one answers as they don't have the answer. They're just as concerned as I am, if it's taking a while then it only confirms my theory about it being bad. Meaning that Matt's in a serious condition.

A few minutes later I spot the doctor approaching us, a solemn look on her face.

She takes a deep breath before speaking, "He has an epidural hematoma and is in emergency surgery, but that's all I can say. Just be patient. It might be a while."

_No Matt, no._

I race off down the hall. I needed to see him. This couldn't be real, it couldn't. It's risky surgery. He could die. We could lose him. I could lose him.

"Gabriela!" She calls behind me, but I keep going.

I look through the window into the surgery. Matt was lying on his side, a tube in his throat and his eyes taped shut. The doctors were preparing to drill a hole in his head.

I start crying and I can't stop.

_Please don't go._

* * *

**_Shay_**

We'd been at the hospital for just over an hour and it'd been fifteen minutes since Dawson had run off towards the OR. I hadn't seen her since and we were getting worried, so Chief asks me to go find her and make sure she was okay. But we knew she wasn't, _how could she be?_ I wondered what she was meant to do, what any of us could do. Hope.

Dawson refuses to move from the floor beside the OR room, her head in her hands propped against her knees. I plead with her to come and join us in the waiting room, but she doesn't move; I doubted she had even heard my voice, let alone acknowledged me. She was crying, painful helpless sobs. It broke my heart.

I have to get Kelly to help me get Dawson up from the cold floor and as he guides her back to the waiting room, the further she was moved away from the OR the more tears she sobs. He sits her down beside him, his face worried and scared, and places his arm around her shoulders. It was a rare show of affection between the two, but appearances be damned, they both needed comfort and support and they could both give it to each other.

Dawson gets up out of her seat a while, "I'm going to the bathroom," she murmurs and I follow behind her. I look at her hands, they were shaking furiously as I walked behind her and I surprised that she could hold herself up.

She makes her way to the bathroom, slightly wobbly on her feet. I follow behind her quietly, leaving the guys to murmur quietly among themselves. She enters the unoccupied bathroom and leans up against the sinks "I just want him to be okay...he has to be okay Shay," she reassures more for herself than anyone else, but I understood.

I place my hands on her arms, I wasn't going to lie to her, but I wasn't about to diminish her hopes all together, "We know how serious his condition is Dawson, but we also know that Casey is a fighter, he won't give up that easily."

Her breath catches in her throat and her sobs racked through her body, "I'm scared. I can't lose him."

I frown and the vulnerability in her voice scares me to tears, "I know sweetie, I do. But he's a fighter and now he has to fight for you too, okay? Casey's strong and he'll do whatever he can to pull through. You just have to try to be strong okay?"

She wipes roughly at her eyes repeatedly nodding, "Yeah, I'll be strong," she doesn't believe herself but her words were enough right now.

I put my arm around her shoulder and walk with her back to the waiting room and as we entered the room, Chief nods at me to follow him outside.

He places one hand on his hip and the other runs down his face, stopping momentarily to pinch the bridge of his nose, "How is she holding up?"

I sigh glancing through the window to see Gabby staring blankly into space, "She's trying not to lose it right now," I answer honestly.

He glances at her too, his expression sympathetic and worried, "Understandable..." he murmurs quietly. He was our fearless leader, but when it came down to his own the Chief could be was afraid and scared as the rest of us.

"We just have to hope."

* * *

_**Chief**_

I watch as Shay guides a weary Dawson towards the cafeteria with her arm wrapped securely around her waist. I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose again.

_Casey, you have to get through this._

I always knew that it was never a matter of if with Casey and Dawson, and always when. I could only hope that Casey would pull himself through this, for all of us.

It would take a lot to make it through this, but I knew Casey. He is determined and fierce and strong, and if anyone could make it through this it was him.

I re-enter the room and turn to everyone, the people who I knew as family, "We all know Casey... We know how strong he is. Right now we have to be strong for him and send every thought and every prayer down that hallway. He needs us."

_And we need him._


	20. Chapter 20

**_Dawson_**

I'd never been a patient person, that much had always been clear to me, but it occurred to me that no one could be patient when it came to waiting for news on a loved one. Thoughts of 'what ifs' plagued my mind and although I hated them, and tried not to live a life full of what ifs, I found that they were the only things I could think. _What if he has lasting damage? What if he can't be a firefighter anymore? What would that do to him?_

I wasn't sure Matt could cope without being a firefighter. It was his life, he'd found a family within 51 that he'd never had before, how would he cope if he lost that? Firefighting was everything to him.

But the biggest what if, the one that scared right to my core and even pained me to think about was _what if he doesn't make it?_

I couldn't think like this, it hurt too much. The simple answer is if Matt doesn't make it I won't be able to survive, to go on; my life could never be the same without him. He was such a huge part of my life, a beaming light amidst the norm, and he'd practically saved my life.

_Matt was my everything._

How could it have only been two nights ago when Matt and I made that jump from friends to…_more? _How could we be here already? Still, if I lost him... I shudder at the thought. _I couldn't think like that. I couldn't. He needed me to be strong for him._

I feel Shay squeeze my arm, "I'm going to get some coffee, do you want some?" She asks quietly, her voice steady and calm. It was nice to have that small comfort.

I give her a small smile, "Please, thank you."

She nods and heads out the room with Mills with orders from everyone for coffee. No one wanted to sleep in case they missed the news on Matt, but even then, how could they sleep? Their Lieutenant, their friend, _brother, _was fighting for his life and they couldn't possibly think about sleep at this time.

I notice Severide's deadpan eyes as he sits next to me and I squeeze his hand as our fingers were still laced together, "Severide…" I murmur trying to get his attention.

Slowly he turns to face me, "What happened wasn't your fault. It was an accident."

Severide was blaming himself for what happened to Matt. He felt responsible for him. They'd had rough few months, but they were finally close again after Andy's death. It was nice that they were friends again, after spending too long feuding over something that neither one could have prevented. So now as we waited for news, I took one look at Severide and saw that he was feeling guilty, and that guilt was futile.

He inhales deeply, "He was right next to me. If I'd just pushed him outta the way…"

"It could have happened to any of you, it just happens that…Matt was hurt and it wasn't your fault. It's not anyone's fault… You helped in the ambo, you really did, he'll be glad to know that you were there."

A hint of a smile tugs at his lips, "Not as much as he would you. Unless there's something he's not telling us."

I laughed and it felt good. _Matt would make it through._

"He's tough Dawson and he's got you to fight for you now, as well as 51 and Casey's too stubborn to go anywhere."

Nodding a few times I felt tears slide down my face as I squeezed his hand again and suddenly I'm enclosed in his arms as I cry into his shoulder.

A little while later when Shay re-entered the room with Mills, holding countless cups of coffee, she huffs and if she could have put her hands on her hips she would, "Damn it Kelly, I knew you were a heartbreaker, but I didn't know you could work that fast."

And again, even in the midst of sadness and fear, I laughed lightly, hoping that somehow maybe Matt could hear us and be assured on what he's fighting for.

* * *

It was another hour until the doctor returned admittedly looking less solemn that she did before. I easily allowed myself some hope after seeing her face, but I was tentative still, I would only be sure when I heard her words and saw Matt.

Chief clears his throat to capture everyone's attention. At the sound, we all lift our heads to the doctor. I stand along with Chief and Herrmann and head towards her, while the others stay sitting, bracing themselves for the news.

"The surgery went better than we hoped it would. He's being taken into recovery, but you can see him soon. He's lucky, the surgeon said his chances of long-term damage are slight. He fought well."

I burst into tears once more, but not from sadness but from relief. Matt was going to be okay, he was going to live, _he fought for us._

I feel Shay's arms around me, easing the tension from my body as the guys exploded into cheers, tears and exclamations of happiness and relief. They were happy, terrifically happy that their brother had made it through the critical stage and was alive.

Severide was still sitting in his chair, stunned to the bone. I move towards him, placing a hand on his shoulder which shook him from his quiet state, "Kelly," I murmur, "The surgery went okay, Matt's doing well."

Slowly his body relaxed and the shocked expression on his face merged into happiness. He stood and pulled me in for a hug, "Ah, what did I tell you huh?"

"Gabriela?" It was the doctor's voice. Severide releases me and I turn to her, "Shall I take you to his room?"

I nod, "Please."

The walk was short to his room, not long enough for me to prepare for what I may or may not see. But no matter what, Matt was alive and that was all I could concentrate on. The rest would come later.

In all honestly, he wasn't looking as bad as I expected him too. Matt was only slightly pale and the only major indication that he'd had surgery was the white bandage wrapped around his head. He no longer had the breathing tube, so it was a good sign that he was breathing on his own. Instinctively I checked his vitals on the monitor, all of which were good.

I took his hand in my own comforted by his warmth and it felt good to feel him. To know that he was okay.

Before the doctor left she said that he should wake soon and I hoped that he would. Those eyes, how I'd missed his eyes and how I'd feared that I may never see them again.

I look up at the clock briefly, 3:08am, it had been a long night, but it was worth it to find out that Matt was alive. That we weren't losing him after all.

I bring his hand up to my lips and kiss his knuckles, "Hey baby, you had us all worried... We thought that we were gonna lose you. I thought that I would lose you... But the doctor says that you're doing well, I'm just waiting for you to wake up to make it real. In your own time though baby, I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here."

"He's real lucky to have ya 'miss," the distinct Southern accent shocked me so much I almost fell off the bed.

I turned towards the door to see a nurse standing in the doorway. She was middle-aged with pale skin and curly ginger hair and a plump frame. She was smiling softly at us both.

"I'm just here to check on him," she explains as she walks towards Matt's bed.

I nod, "I'm the lucky one, he's a fantastic guy..."

The nurse smiles knowingly, "I can tell, there's a small army taking ova' the waiting room for him. Are ya' both married?"

i shake my head bashfully and divert my eyes, "No, no. We've only just got together actually..."

"Well," she says almost mysteriously, "Ya'd have thought it. Ya've known him a long tim though yes?"

"Years, we were great friends before we got together."

She nods, her curly hair bouncing on her head, "That's how the best relationships start hun. I was friends with my husband for fifteen years before he had the guts to ask me out."

I laugh, "He sounds like a very patient man."

"Oh he is, the complete opposite to me! I guess it's how we work so well."

I smile and can't help but think of how Matt and I are so different, but alike in some ways too. He was calm and levelheaded and I was single-minded, but we both wanted a family, we both loved our jobs and we both craved the wonderful and loving and wild relationship I knew we would have.

As the nurse turns to leave, "He's doing real well miss. I'll be back in half hour, but if he wakes up in that time come get me? I'll leave him in your great care."

I wave lightly as she leaves before returning my attention back to Matt. He looked peaceful and content wrapped in the white sheets.

Then ever so slowly I feel his fingers tighten around my own and he eyes clench before Matt eases them open. He's momentarily confused until he sees me sitting beside him.

"Hey you..."

"Gabby," he whimpers, his voice hoarse and quiet. I see his eyes fill with tears and I cup his wet cheek with my hand.

"Ssh, it's okay baby... You're in the hospital, but you're going to be fine," I soothe and his grip on my fingers tighten.

"Is everyone okay?" Matt asks hurriedly with panic, concerned for his brothers.

I nod, "Everyone's fine. They're all outside."

He goes to nod but I stop him, "Don't move you're head, it'll hurt. They had to do emergency surgery on your head, you had a epidermal hematoma, a bleed on the brain, but the doctors said you're doing very well."

Matt's quiet for a moment, digesting the information, "I scared you," it wasnt a question.

"Very much... When the guys carried you out of that building and I saw you... And when you seized in the ambo, I thought we'd lost you."

"I was seizing?" He stammers with shock.

I nod whilst biting my lip, "It was bad. Severide and I were really scared..."

"Severide was there?"

"Of course, you're his best friend... I'm going to get the nurse and tell everyone you're awake okay? They need some good news."

I try shuffle off the bed but Matt stops me as he doesn't let go of my hand, "Come here," he murmurs. He tugs me close and I smile, realising what he wanted.

I press my lips against his firmly, completely melting at the connection of our lips. He was warm and soft and I relished in the touch of our lips. No matter how big or small the touch, they always made me feel light-headed and weak.

"I know the perfect way to help me get better," he mumbles against my lips and I laugh.

"I'm sure you do. I'll be right back," I laugh, heading out of the room.

I spot the curly haired nurse and inform her that Matt's awake. Then I head towards the waiting room, seeing a few of the guys sleeping but most of them still awake. Chief looks up and clears his throat when he sees me, "Gabriela?"

I smile reassuringly when everyone looks up, "He's awake and talking. Matt's doing well."

Elation crept onto each and every one of their faces as I told them the news, relieved that today wasn't going to be one of the worst days of their lives. We were aware of how easily things could have been much worse so we were extremely appreciative of the circumstances. We'd only just lost Darden, I didn't think that we'd cope with losing another.

"Once the doctor has checked him over I'll come get everyone okay? I know he wants to see you all."

Chief pats my shoulder, "Take care of him okay? We'll be right out here."

I nod, "I will Chief."

When I return to Matt's room a grey-haired doctor is there along with the red-headed nurse, "Oh, and this must be your girlfriend?"

Matt's gazes at me with a soft smile, "Yeah," he murmurs as I make my way towards the bed, intertwining our hands.

I smile back at Matt before I look up at the doctor, "So how is he doing? What do you think?"

The doctor smiles knowingly, "He's doing very well considering how bad his injury was. We'll be keeping him in for a week or so, but since he's speech and memory is good, and his motor function appears to be well I don't see no reason of why he can't make a full recovery."

The doctor and the nurse leave soon after and I fall into Matt's arms, burying my face in his neck, "You're so lucky you know," I mumble into his skin.

I feel him chuckle lightly, "Yes I am. I don't know what I'd do without you."

I slap his chest and sit up so I can look him in his eye, "You know that's not what I mean."

"It's true," he murmurs.

"Luck never had anything to do with me loving you. I'm yours whether you like it or not. I can't be without you," I tell him honestly, bringing his hand up to my cheek.

Matt's eyes light up, "You love me?"

And then I realised what I said and how I said it, had I ruined this?

"Yes," I reply with a voice that was barely audible.

Then the most beautiful smile captures his lips, "Then I guess you should know that I love you too."

And just like that, my world was complete.


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey guys! **

**Sorry for the lack of author's note in the last chapter. I had little time so I just wanted to get the chapter posted for you all!**

**Once again I'd like to thank those who have reviewed - you guys rock! - and to thank everyone who is enjoying this story!**

**Hope you enjoy! **

**xoxox**

* * *

It had been four days since the surgery and Matt was starting to walk with the help of crutches. He could comfortably walk around his room on the crutches but he'd yet to venture any further. Once he felt confident enough the physical therapist suggested that Matt take a walk to the vending machines that were a few corridors away.

"Matt, don't push yourself," I call with a worried tone as I followed behind him and the therapist. Yet he continued at his pace and he seemed to be doing very well, the therapy only appearing to tire him a little.

We grabbed some water from the vending machines and headed back, Matt looking and feeling confident on the crutches. As he climbed back into the bed, propping the crutches against a chair the physical therapist, Tom, smiled, "Since you're doing well with the crutches I don't see no reason as to why you can't walking by yourself within the next few days."

Matt smiled but I felt worried, "Are you sure? I mean... is it too soon?"

Tom appeared that he dealt with more worried relatives than patients and he comforted me with his confident demeanor, "There's no such thing as too soon Gabby. As long as Matt feels okay with what he's doing and he's not in any pain or discomfort, there's no reason for us to worry about his progress."

I feel Matt slip his hand into my own, "See? Stop worrying so much."

I roll my eyes, "Easy for you to say Mr. Calm and Collected."

Tom after laughing at our banter quickly slides out of the room and once he's gone, Matt pulls me into his arms and plants a firm kiss on my lips.

"Okay," I mumble against his lips, "Keep up with the good work. I need to get you home asap."

* * *

_8 days later_

I strategically watched Matt's every move as he walked up the steps to his house, only a tad slower than his usual pace. I was happy that he was home from hospital, but I was admittedly really worried about him. I was scared that he'd get worse.

But over the past week and a half Matt had made huge strides in his recovery and the doctor was happy to release him today. Matt was no doubt glad to be coming home, after getting so annoyed with having to stay at the hospital.

Severide and I took turns in staying with Matt at night. At first I protested, not wanting to take my eyes off him for a second, but after they said that they were concerned that I wasn't getting enough sleep, I was persuaded to go home. I didn't go back to my apartment, I went to Matt's place. I needed to be as close to him as possible and being wrapped up in his clothes and bed sheets was the closest I was going to get whilst he was in the hospital.

"I can feel your stare you know," Matt chuckles once he makes it to the door whilst pulling his keys out of his pocket.

"The doctor said to keep an eye on you," I reply as we step inside and I close the door behind me.

I suddenly feel his hands curl around my waist and he pulls my chest to his own, "I'm okay Gabby, stop worrying..."

"It just doesn't seem real you know? That your home and talking and walking fine like nothing happened. It's crazy," I murmur as I clutch at his arms, gazing up into those knee-weakening blue eyes.

Matt leans his forehead against my own, "Can we just go to bed? I'm feeling tired and I need to hold you."

I press my lips against his, "My thoughts exactly."

I was in the en-suite scrubbing my teeth as Matt lay in bed waiting for me. With a mouth full of toothpaste my phone buzzed in the pocket of my sweat pants. I read the message; it was from Shay.

_Hey girl, how's he doing?_

**Hey, he's doing great. Glad to be home I think.**

_Well I'm glad he's doing good. Severide wants to know if we can come by with pizza tomorrow?_

**I'll ask Matt but I think he'll be up for it! It'll be nice to hang out, return to normality.**

_That's the spirit! I'll text you tomorrow! Goodnight._

**Okay, goodnight Shay.**

As I shuffled out of the en-suite hopping on one foot as I tried to pull off my socks I was explaining to Matt what Shay had said, "Shay asked if you want them to come by tomorrow with pizza so we can hang out? Severide sounds eager to check on you..."

I was still bouncing as I looked up at Matt, who was lying in bed with a hand propped behind his head. He was smiling lovingly at me with an adoring look in his eyes, "What?" I ask him finally free of my socks. I then stood at the bottom of my bed with my hands placed on my hips.

"You... You're comfortable here and I like it. And the whole jumping-out-of-your-socks act is adorable," he chuckles lightly and I can feel my cheeks warming.

I kneel on the bed and crawl up into his awaiting arms, pulling the sheets around me, "Well I do try..."

Matt kisses my head, "It's so good to hold you like this," he mumbles as our naked legs intertwine, "Without the wires and monitors and stuff."

I breath in his scent promising myself that I'd commit it to memory, "I'm just glad you're home."

"Me too baby," he mumbles and I can hear the tiredness in his voice.

I cup his cheek with my hand and press a kiss to his lips, "You're tired, go to sleep," I soothe quietly, running my thumb along his cheekbone.

"Hmm, goodnight," he hums with his eyes closed, sleep taking him.

"Goodnight," I whisper and once I was assured that Matt was sleeping, I relaxed into his arms and allowed myself to drift into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

When I awoke the next morning I felt more rested and more calm than I had for a while. I stirred slightly in Matt's arms, I was laying on my back with his arm around my shoulder and I was clutching his t-shirt tightly in my hand. I stretched out and moaned lightly, feeling my muscles contract and relax wonderfully.

"Someone slept well," it was Matt's voice as cheery and playful as ever. I opened my eyes to the not-so-bright room and I was thankful that I'd closed the curtains before we went to bed.

Matt was smiling down at me when I looked up and I curled into his side, "I did. Did you? I wasn't expecting you to be awake."

He nods gently, "Yeah, we've been out for twelve hours. You were more tired than you admitted too."

"Half the time I couldn't sleep knowing you were in the hospital," I answer, sliding my hand into his own.

Matt kisses my head, "Well now you can sleep all you want because I'm not going anywhere."

I hum, "How are you feeling? You look well rested."

I feel Matt's fingers trace up and down the exposed skin on my back from where my shirt had riled up, "I feel great Gabby, really, you don't need to keep worrying now."

I reach up and kiss his lips passionately, "Trust me, I'm going to keep worrying for a long time..."

_That much was true. Matt had been extremely lucky, but now he had to be extra careful with his head because it had been weakened. And we never know, he may begin to develop symptoms in the coming weeks. The doctors said it was unlikely, but even 'unlikely' meant that there was a chance. _

Matt hums and shuffles down the bed slightly so that he was face to face with me, and I feel his hands wander down my back and cup my ass, "I think I may know how to lessen that worry."

"Really?" I breathe as Matt nibbles on my collarbone wonderfully, sending shockwaves of his touch throughout my body. I clutch at his shirt as he rolled my onto my back and hovered above me.

"Yes, I do," Matt murmurs against my skin. _How I'd missed this._

He starts to pull my shirt up when I halt his hands with my own, "Matt, baby, are you sure about this? What did the doctor say?"

"Ssh," he soothes before pressing his lips against my own, "The doctor said when I'm ready and I'm definitely ready."

Matt doesn't give me a chance to answer as he pulls his own shirt off along with my own. Then my panties follow before Matt discards his boxers on the floor.

He trails sloppy wet kisses from my neck through the crevice of my breasts and down my stomach. Matt nudges my legs open with his knee and then suddenly I feel his hot mouth _there. _I arch my back at the wild sensations he was stirring within me and my legs writhe against his.

"Oh god, Matt..." I moan loudly and I try to move my hips against him. He holds me in place with one hand and with the other, I feel two fingers enter me. I cry out.

_How could he make me feel this way?_

Matt circles my bundle of nerves with his tongue as he moves his fingers inside me and soon I come, feeling wonderous waves of magestical pleasure pulse through my body, causing me to limp against the bed.

"Matt, baby, baby..."

I quickly flip us over so that Matt lay under me and I straddled his hips. With a smirk I trail my fingers down his body and watch as his eyes widen when I wrap my hand around him.

Matt swallows deeply when I lower my head whilst never breaking eye contact with him, and as he watched, I took him into my mouth. I watched as his eyes closed and a huff of "Whoa, fuck, Gabby," left his mouth.

I ensured my movements were slow and teasing at first until I had him whimpering against me, then I quickened my pace, wrapping my hand around the base of his member. I feel his body shake and then I watch as he comes, murmuring my name as I slowly slowed my movements.

"Fuck, wow," Matt whispers as he pulls me to his chest, my heat pressing against him. I tense up at the thought of him inside me.

I rock against his hips agonizingly slowly and then once we were both ready, I sank down onto him and I threw my head back at the feel of our bodies together. I quickly gained a quick pace, realising that this was probably the best way for us to have sex until Matt was 100% better, and once more I felt my body contract against him.

We had our arms wrapped around each other tightly and I was digging my nails into his back involuntarily.

"Matt, baby," I cry out when I felt myself close. I press my lips against his and we kiss furiously and passionately and then Matt bucks his hips against my own. At this action I feel myself undo once more again him, feeling my body shudder and shake uncontrollably and seconds later I watched as Matt came too, panting into my neck.

As we calm in each other's arms we don't let each other go. I'd never experienced sex like this before, because it wasn't just sex. It was so much more. And I was doing it with the man I loved with everything I am and everything I know.

I feel Matt laugh and look up at his playful eyes, "I think I'm better now..."

I roll my eyes and press my lips against his once more.

_He was mine and I was his and that's all I ever want in this world._


End file.
